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Jokes!

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    A woman who is 3 months pregnant falls into a deep coma.

    Six months later she awakes and asks the doctor about her baby.

    The doctor says, “You had twins, a boy and a girl, and they are both fine.”
    “Your husband was deployed overseas and we couldn’t reach him.”
    “Luckily, your brother named them.”

    Woman: “Oh no, not my brother!”
    “He's an idiot! What did he name the girl?”

    Doctor: “Denise.”

    Woman: “Well that isn't too bad, and what did he name the boy?”

    Doctor: ”Denephew.”

    Comment


    • HawkerXP
      HawkerXP commented
      Editing a comment
      Awwwwwe

    Is it just me or are others not able to get the "larger version" links that are being posted. I keep getting an error message "Invalid File Specified"
    Last edited by gcdmd; August 13, 2020, 07:10 PM.

    Comment


    • Bogy
      Bogy commented
      Editing a comment
      Not just you, the whole site has been having image issues the past few days.

    • HawkerXP
      HawkerXP commented
      Editing a comment
      Wait. I was trying to figure out the joke!

    • Foehn Watts
      Foehn Watts commented
      Editing a comment
      HawkerXP-- If you are like me, it kills you to have to ask to have the joke explained, so ya sit and try to figure it out.
      I finally gave up with my daughter. She shows me stuff on her phone and I tell her that I just don't understand that. She explains (or sometimes not) and I get it (or sometimes not). I then torture her by sending her BAD jokes and puns, the more awfuller the better. She deserves it!



    I never get tired of this one! Chuck the calf really likes his milk! And his owner’s comments are gold

    Comment


    • RonB
      RonB commented
      Editing a comment
      Reminds me of a dear departed uncle who had a drinking problem...

    • Bogy
      Bogy commented
      Editing a comment
      Everyone knows the milk on the bottom of the bucket is the best!

    • au4stree
      au4stree commented
      Editing a comment
      “Sigh....I guess there’s always next time...” 😂😂😂😂

    I went to my favorite bar last night and saw a BIG woman dancing on a table.
    I said, "Good legs" The woman giggled and said, "Do you really think so?"
    I said, "Definitely! Most tables would have collapsed by now."

    Comment


    • Panhead John
      Panhead John commented
      Editing a comment
      😂😂😂

    A Texan was driving past Ole's farm in a big convertible with steer horns on the hood. He saw Ole out front working on a tractor and stopped for a chat. The Texan said, "How big a spread do you got here?" to which Ole said" It goes from da road here back to dat woods back there and from da creek down there over to da Johnsons barn up on dat hill. How big a spread do you got?" The Texan replied, "I can jump in my pickup truck and drive all day and not get to the other side of my ranch." Ole laughed, "I had me a truck like dat once myself and sold dat junker to my crazy brother Sven."

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          This is back from a time when you could actually go places:

          The Mailman was making a delivery to Ole's house and notice a Penguin walking around the side yard. After asking Ole where it came from and finding out that it just showed up a couple of days before he told Ole that Penguins don't normally walk around in Minnesota and maybe Ole should take him to the Zoo. Ole agreed with him and said he would do it this afternoon. The next day while driving by Ole's the Mailman noticed the Penguin was still there. He stopped and said to Ole," I thought you said you were going to take the Penguin to the Zoo yesterday." Ole replied," I did, and we had so much fun that dis afternoon we are going to a baseball game."

          Comment


          • Skip
            Skip commented
            Editing a comment
            Great one Bogy! Several years ago I heard a version of that joke where the penguin was a pig. Lol.

          • JimLinebarger
            JimLinebarger commented
            Editing a comment
            Skip Well maybe the penguin was a little depressed before going to the zoo.

          Sven was taking his Hotrod for a spin when he saw little Ole trying to peddle his bicycle up a long steep hill. He decided to have some fun and told his nephew that he had a rope and could pull him up the hill. Little Ole agreed and Sven told him he would go slow. He also told him that if he went to fast that little Ole should toot at him with his bicycle horn mounted on the handle bars. Sven started out slowly but little by little picked up speed. When he got going too fast for little Ole to jump off he decide to have some real fun. He put the gas pedal to the floor and let the engine go wide open. As they went over the top of the hill there was a Police car on the other side with a Radar unit. The officer radioed in," Sarge, You won't believe this. I just clocked that crazy Sven in his Hotrod going a hundred and ten." The Sargent replied," What's so hard to believe about that?" The patrol officer then said, "It’s his nephew Little Ole on a bicycle behind him tooting his horn so he can pass."

          Comment


          • Panhead John
            Panhead John commented
            Editing a comment
            Now that’s funny! 😂 Just the visuals of that happening.

          The neighbor boy, Panhead John, and little Ole had their birthdays in the same week. They got together to compare presents. Panhead John got a new motorcycle and little Ole whose parents weren't so wealthy got a new pair of tennis shoes. They both argued about whose gift was better and decided to race. Panhead John took off and ran his cycle through first gear and into second gear. He looked over and there was little Ole right next to him. Up through second and into third and little Ole was running along side. Panhead John wound the cycle up tight in third and hit fourth gear. When he looked over little Ole was nowhere to be seen. Panhead John went back only to find his friend lying in the ditch with his left foot smoking. Panhead John asked," What are you doing in that ditch?" Little Ole said back."Did you ever blow a Tenny going 90?"
          Last edited by Bogy; August 14, 2020, 03:42 PM.

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          • Panhead John
            Panhead John commented
            Editing a comment
            Take your time Mr. Bogy. I think what we need is a real shocker! Something that would leave us going “What? Mr. Bogy? No frocking way!” 😂
            Last edited by Panhead John; August 14, 2020, 10:11 PM.

          • Panhead John
            Panhead John commented
            Editing a comment
            Bogy I started a new post. True/funny weird stories. Reserved first story for you.

          • Foehn Watts
            Foehn Watts commented
            Editing a comment
            Yeah Bogy! Panhead and I are both on tenterhooks awaiting!

          .,.
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          • HawkerXP
            HawkerXP commented
            Editing a comment
            I think she joined us here for about one day.

          Ok Bogy I started a new post.
          Attached Files
          Last edited by Panhead John; August 14, 2020, 10:50 PM.

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          • Bogy
            Bogy commented
            Editing a comment
            Panhead John, I'm trying to decide if you're trying to get me fired or banned from AR.

          • Panhead John
            Panhead John commented
            Editing a comment
            Mr. Bogy, it all is gonna depend on your story. But, if they haven’t banned ME by now, you should be in good shape!

          Please pray for me.

          1st day of home schooling
          8:00 a.m. opened school website to get assignments.
          9:00 a.m. found where assignments were hidden on the website.
          9:15 a.m. called school to have the website explained.
          9:30 a.m. called school again.
          9:45 a.m. Had wife call school
          10:30 a.m. started printing first assignment
          10:31 a.m. ran out of printer ink
          10:35 a.m. sent wife to buy more ink while I watched YouTube to learn how to do common core.
          10:39 a.m. Had first cocktail
          11:00 a.m. googling who the idiot was that came up with common core.
          11:02 a.m. 2nd cocktail.
          11:15 a.m. Called school to see if the virus was still an issue and if so, could I sign a waiver for my kids.
          11:16 a.m. School asked me not to call back.
          11:20 a.m. Realized my wife wasn't home yet. Called her to find out she was having a difficult time finding the right ink. Pretty sure, I heard someone in the background yell her name followed with "Venti vanilla latte!" Right before she hung up on me.
          11:30 a.m. started 1st assignment
          11:45 a.m. lunch break
          12:30 p.m. restarted first assignment.
          12:35 p.m. read 3 chapters to help answer 2 questions.
          12:40 p.m. Figured I'm either being played or they have been falsifying their report card.
          12:45 p.m. practicing disguising my voice so I can call the school again
          1:00 p.m. didn’t work
          1:15 p.m. Scraping "My kid is a TERRIFIC student" sticker off of all vehicles.
          2:00 p.m. beginning to think wife isn't coming home
          2:15 p.m. Decided to have an early release.
          2:30 p.m. walking to town in hopes of catching virus and being quarantined.
          4:00 p.m. arrested for egging school and drinking in public
          4:15 p.m. released and given a ride home to maximize punishment
          6:00 p.m. wife gets home. Couldn't find ink. Pretty sure her hair and nails are done.
          10:00. p.m.working on an excuse to get out of school tomorrow.

          Comment


            A burglar broke into the house last night...

            I put a red dot on his chest...

            The cat did the rest.

            Comment


            • surfdog
              surfdog commented
              Editing a comment
              Truth be told, I don’t have any pets. I travel WAY to much.
              The last time I had “pets” they all swam in a 150 gallon aquarium. LOL

            • Panhead John
              Panhead John commented
              Editing a comment
              Just messing with ya! You can blame Watts. Saw the opening and expanded on it. 😂

            • surfdog
              surfdog commented
              Editing a comment
              It’s all good.
              No harm, no foul.
              Last edited by surfdog; August 17, 2020, 09:55 PM.

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