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    Do comics count as jokes...?
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    • richinlbrg
      richinlbrg commented
      Editing a comment
      Of course it does, martybartram !!

      JMHO, if it brings a smile, it is OK!

    I am starting a gunsmithing course next week and received some of the materials yesterday in the mail. I started reading one of the books today and had to share this from it.

    Circumstantial Evidence?
    A dangerous thing, for it can surely be so wrong, Take the case of one of our local gunsmith/farmers. Last winter this guy was out doing the milking of his one and only cow - a beast of dubious character and ornery disposition. He just got things going merrily and the "poing-pwang" of the milk hitting the bucket at the right pitch, when the cowl let fly with a kick that sent the bucket sailing across the barn and the milk spraying over everything in sight. This had been happening too regularly before, and my ingenious friend had his plans all made. He took a spike and nailed the hoof of that cow firmly to the barn floor. Chuckling with evil glee, he went back to the business at hand, patting himself on the back in time with the squirts of the milk. He had not, however, figured on the brain power of his beast. With her other foot she dealt my friend a vicious cross-cutting kick. "Ho! Ho!" quoth he, after wiping off the milk and brown stuff from the floor off his face and clothes, "I have one more nail and the same hammer." So he pried her feet as far apart as he could and nailed the other hoof to the floor. "This will be heaven," he mused, and wink back to milking...messed up but triumphant.
    Now, you who know nothing about cows in the winter do not realize that the fine plume on the end of a cows tail becomes a brown frozen mass in the winter with the weight and heft of a 15 lb sledge hammer. With unerring accuracy, the cow used this weapon to deal our friend a cold-cocking blow to the back of his head just as he had his face buried in the warm flank of her side. In high umbrage - which means he was just madder than seven kinds of hell - he went to the machine shed, got a short step-ladder and a spike. Back at the barn, he pulled that tail up with one hand and reached high overhead to nail the end of it to the overhead beam. Being stretched out like he was, his pants fell down. And just then his wife walked through the barn door. ~ Harold Lofgreen, Montezuma's Postmaster

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      Nice bass huskee 😀

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        CAPTION THIS IMAGE!

        We were driving home from vacation last Sat. and stopped at a little place for lunch. While in the restroom, I noticed a number of prints of '40s or '50s style pinups. The one below seemed appropriate for the Pit, so I took a shot of it. I thought it would be fun for everyone to offer captions, but remember - this is a place where anyone might take a peek, so please keep your captions family friendly. If you can't keep it clean, send it to me...

        Click image for larger version

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        • gcdmd
          gcdmd commented
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          http://amazingribs.com/index.html

          Meathead has been using this image on the front page of Amazing Ribs for quite some time, but you're the first one to think of a caption contest.
          Last edited by gcdmd; June 29, 2016, 09:08 AM.

        • RonB
          RonB commented
          Editing a comment
          It's been so long since I have been to the front page, I forgot this shot was there.

        Seen on twitter: @JusticeWillett

        The doctor has ordered me to lay off the exercise & radically boost my BBQ intake. Unrelatedly, I have begun calling myself "the doctor."

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        • Huskee
          Huskee commented
          Editing a comment
          Lol

        Seems appropriate.
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          six letters

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            In Scotland, a kilted fella left the pub after a few pints. Well, perhaps a few too many pints by any other standards. Halfway home, stumbling somewhat, en route through the park he saw a grove of trees. He found it beckoning him to have a quick lie down and rest up a bit. Soon the lad was faahhhst asleep and snoring wildly.

            Shortly thereafter two young lassies were walking a dog though the park and heard an awful racket of a man snoring. Even the dog was alarmed. As they neared the poor drunken fellow asleep on the ground, they couldn't help but giggle like the schoolgirls they were at him and his kilt. Being the man was a true Scot, he had only the kilt on. Nothing else underneath. The girls snickered to each other.

            The first young lass lifted the kilt a wee bit, and the two girls giggled even more. The second girl dared her friend to tie one of the small blue bows in here hair around...it. The second girl giggled, blushed, and took the bet. Another lift of the kilt, a quick knot was tied, and the two girls scampered off merrily giggling the rest of the way home.


            When the lad finally awoke a couple hours later, he had to take himself a rather large wee wee. He stumbled off to the woods and as he looked down he was surprised to see the little blue bow!

            [In Scottish accent]
            "Ahh wee lad, I don't know whayre ya been but I see ya won fayrst place!"

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            • Huskee
              Huskee commented
              Editing a comment
              I was just informed this is in an old song. I didn't know that, I just heard it as a joke couple days ago.

            • DWCowles
              DWCowles commented
              Editing a comment
              Now that's funny even the wife got a chuckle

            Good News!

            There’s a tasty way
            to enjoy whole
            grains and leafy
            greens!


            Feed them to a cow,
            and they’ll turn
            into a delicious,
            satisfying steak.

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            • Breadhead
              Breadhead commented
              Editing a comment
              My thoughts exactly...😉

            • Steve Vojtek
              Steve Vojtek commented
              Editing a comment
              Steak is my favorite salad!

            Two young hunters from a Texas University which shall remain unnamed went deer hunting. They bagged a beautiful specimen with a huge rack. Excited about the prize and venison sausage to come they began dragging their kill back to the pickup. It was very slow going since the antlers kept snagging in the underbrush. Eventually they came upon a fellow hunter who suggested that if they pulled by the hind legs then the antlers would part the brush and slip through easily. "Aha!" they cried.

            Hours passed and the fellow came upon the pair again. Noting that they were pulling from the front again, and struggling,he asked "Why are you doing that? I told you what the problem is." One of them replied "It really was much easier to do it the way you suggested, but we just kept getting farther from our truck!"

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              WHEN YOU'RE ALMOST 70...

              I was talking to a young woman in the bar last night.
              She said, "If you lost a few pounds, had a shave and got your hair cut,
              you'd look all right.”
              I said, “If I did that, I'd be talking to your friends over there instead of you.”
              Cost me a fat lip but, when you’re almost seventy...who cares?
              **********

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                A guy walks into a pub wearing his teams colours, jersey and all.
                It quickly becomes clear that he's in a rival teams bar...
                The barman quickly calls him over..."No sense in trying to sneak out now, you've already been seen."
                "So now what?" asks the man.
                "We'll play a little game... You roll the die and if you get a 1 through 5...some of the lads will take you out back and rough you up."
                "And if I get a six?" he asks hopefully.
                "Well then you get a free roll don't ya!"

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                  What did one cannibal say to the other...

                  "You're too late for dinner, everyone's ate!"

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                    Found on the interwebs:

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                    • richinlbrg
                      richinlbrg commented
                      Editing a comment
                      THAT IS GREAT!!!!

                      Thank you, I am stealing it, Mbmorgan !

                    Fitting for today!
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