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Jokes!

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    A little girl was walking down the street when a guy on a motorcycle pulls up...
    "Hey little girl, want to go for a ride?"

    ​She ignores him and keeps walking...he continues to roll with her.
    "I'll give you candy."

    She walks a little faster but he continues...
    "I'll give you candy and ten dollars"

    She pick up her pace...but he's not deterred.
    "I'll give you candy and a puppy."

    Finally she stops...
    turns...
    and screams at him...
    'DAD! YOU'RE THE ONE THAT BOUGHT THE HONDA INSTEAD OF A HARLEY! YOU RIDE IT HOME!"

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      Here's to a GREAT lunch!

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        Ya just gotta love the attitude!

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          NINE WORDS WOMEN USE THAT ALL MEN SHOULD UNDERSTAND:


          1 *Fine* : This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.

          2 *Five Minutes*: If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.

          3 *Nothing* : This is the calm before the storm. This means something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing usually end in fine.

          4 *Go Ahead*: This is a dare, not permission. Don't Do It!

          5 *Loud Sigh*: This is actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about nothing.
          Refer back to # 3 for the meaning of nothing.


          6 *That's Okay*: This is one of the most dangerous statements a women can make to a man. That's okay means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.

          7 *Thanks* : A woman is thanking you, do not question, or faint. Just say you're welcome. I want to add in a clause here – This is true, unless she says 'Thanks a lot' - that is PURE sarcasm and she is not thanking you at all.
          DO NOT say 'you're welcome'.. That will bring on a 'whatever'.


          8 *Whatever* : Is a woman's way of saying...Go to hell and in the process go F#%& yourself!

          9 *Don't worry about it, I got it* : Another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking 'What's wrong?'
          For the woman's response refer to # 3.

          Comment


          • Medusa
            Medusa commented
            Editing a comment
            Well done!

          • Medusa
            Medusa commented
            Editing a comment
            WHOA! I was just explaining to #1 that Brined is the correct lingo for Salted. I was immediately countered with #8! TG I had this post to refer to and quote the interpretation of what she said!

          • CeramicChef
            CeramicChef commented
            Editing a comment
            Another marriage saved! LOL!!

          There's free ear piercing down at the local pub tonight...
          ​Or "Ladies Darts Night" as it's more formally called.

          I watched a friend put more than 300 pounds on a horse at the track today...
          They said, "Get off him ya fat &($#@, you'll break his back!"

          A guy walks up to the counter and asks for a burger & fries...
          "Certainly...will that be for here or to go?"
          He slams his fist and storms away...some prisoners have no sense of humour.

          I was sitting on a bus behind a woman and her young son...
          He kept turning around making faces...
          After a while it simply became annoying so I said, "When I was young, my mother told me that if I made an ugly face and the wind changed...I'd stay that way."
          The little $%!& replied, "Well, you can't say you weren't warned!"

          Comment


            Here is a joke- getting a shot in each buttock of my skinny rear-end and thinking I'm going to walk pain free and normal the next three hours.

            Comment


              The teacher asked her young students to get their parents to tell them a story with a moral at the end of it.

              The next day, the kids came back and one by one began to tell their stories.
              They were all pretty much the same, with a pretty standard "moral" at the end...

              The last one was little Ben...
              "Ben, do you have a story to share?"

              "Yes Ma'am..." And excitedly he went on, "My daddy told me a story about my Mum when she was a pilot in Operation Desert Storm in Iraq... Her plane got hit and was going to crash... She had to bail out over enemy territory and all she had was a bottle of whisky, a pistol and a knife... She drank the whisky on the way down...maybe so the bottle wouldn't break...I don't know.... But then her parachute landed her right in the middle of twenty enemies... She shot fifteen of them until she ran out of bullets...then she had to use her knife...and got four more...and then it broke and she had to get the last guy with her bare hands!"

              "Good heavens!," said the horrified teacher. "But what did your father tell you was the moral of this horrible story?"

              "Stay away from Mummy when she's drunk!"

              Comment


                A popular magazine has thankfully provided a handy tear-out pamphlet explaining ...
                "How to Grill Everything!"

                Here's some info:

                1. So, for indirect heat I can fill the chimney and push all the lit coals to 1/2 side of the kettle.

                2. For Filet Mignon ( 1 to 1.25 inches thick ): Grill 6 minutes per side, and the IT should be around 125. "Let all meat and fish for at least 5 minutes before serving." The article explains that for thicker cuts of meat, the food should be placed on the cooler side of the grill.

                Hmmm, after 19 minutes the (2) 1.75 filets' IT had only reached 75. Must've been the fact that I followed Pit Boss's instructions for Reverse Sear w/ SnS. Wish I read this article before I tried the Reverse Sear - which, BTW, turned out perfect. Next time, I'll try 100 coals described in #1 and the method in #2. And be ready for Couch Tonite!

                3. "You can test burgers, steaks, and pork for doneness by touch." Detailed illustrations accompany text.

                Now that I'm armed to the teeth with great tips and tricks, I'm on my way to becoming a Grillin' Supastar!!!

                -- Ed

                PS.

                I'm very grateful for this site and everyone on it. In the past, I could've easily turned out "Innocent Ed's delicious Blackened Chicken with Red Meat." - just add your favorite sauce. And I would've been clueless.

                MH's cookbook is on the way!
                Last edited by Medusa; June 5, 2016, 01:24 PM.

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                  Sometimes I wake up grumpy, other times I let her sleep.

                  Comment


                    Women sometimes make fools of men, but most guys are the do-it-yourself types.

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                      The difference between men and women:
                      A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.
                      A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item she doesn't need.

                      Comment


                        For me, pretty much says it all!
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                          I wish I knew where this was, I'd give it a try!
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                          ELEPHANT STEW

                          Take one elephant and cut it into 1" cubes - allow a week or two for this step.
                          Put elephant in a very large pot and add water to cover.
                          Add spices and vegetables to your taste. 100 lbs each of potatoes, onions, and peas would be a good start.
                          Bring to a boil and simmer for two days.
                          Serve
                          Please note, you might want to have one hare just in case there is not enough, but please try not to add because no one likes a hare in their stew.

                          If you want to smoke and pull the elephant, please allow about 40 days at 225* plus another week to pull the meat. The stall can last for up to week. You might want to buy charcoal by the truckload for this smoke.
                          Last edited by RonB; June 15, 2016, 08:36 AM.

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                            This is what happens when you're you have friends with a weird sense of humor...
                            My wife told me I needed to fix the downspout in the front of the house...I called a friend for help. He brought over his welder and between us and a case of beer we "got er done"...I think it looks great..my wife is still not talking to me...
                            We had a fun day.
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                            • Thunder77
                              Thunder77 commented
                              Editing a comment
                              Haha! I love it!! 😎😎👍

                            • martybartram
                              martybartram commented
                              Editing a comment
                              I would so buy this!

                            • Voltron15
                              Voltron15 commented
                              Editing a comment
                              So awesome!

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