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2021 Meat-Up In Memphis Canceled - Rescheduled for March 2022

We've unfortunately had to cancel the 2021 Meat-Up in Memphis. We are rescheduling for March 18-20, 2022. More details and re-booking info coming soon! For now click here for more info.
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  • wu7y
    Club Member
    • Oct 2017
    • 181
    • Gillette Wyoming

    @surfdog's post reminds me of one of my favorites:

    A state trooper pulls over an 18 yr old driving considerably over the speed limit. He swaggers up to the car, smiles, and says, "Young fellow, I've been waiting here all day for you."

    The kid gives him a smile of his own and says, "Gee officer. I tried not to be late. I got here as quick as I could."

    Comment


    • Thunder77
      Thunder77 commented
      Editing a comment
      🤣🤣
  • Bogy
    Club Member
    • Mar 2016
    • 638
    • North Central Iowa
    • Blaz'n Grill Works Grid Iron
      Weber Genesis E-310
      Original Grilla
      Smokey Joe® Charcoal Grill 14"
      Thermoworks ThermoPop
      Thermoworks Thermapen Mk4
      Thermoworks Smoke Thermometer with gateway
      2 iGrillminis - from before they were Weber.

    Hey, guess what, I've got one too!

    A Florida senior citizen drove his brand new Corvette convertible out of the dealership. Taking off down the road, he pushed it to 80 mph, enjoying the wind blowing through what little hair he had left.

    "Amazing," he thought as he flew down I-95, pushing the pedal even more.

    Looking in his rear view mirror, he saw a Florida State Trooper, blue lights flashing and siren blaring. He floored it to 100 mph, then 110, then 120. Suddenly he thought, "What am I doing? I'm too old for this!" and pulled over to await the trooper's arrival.

    Pulling in behind him, the trooper got out of his vehicle and walked up to the Corvette. He looked at his watch, then said, "Sir, my shift ends in 30 minutes. Today is Friday. If you can give me a new reason for speeding--a reason I've never before heard -- I'll let you go."

    The old gentleman paused then said: "Three years ago, my wife ran off with a Florida State Trooper. I thought you were bringing her back.

    "Have a good day, Sir," replied the trooper.

    Comment

    • Foehn Watts
      Club Member
      • Apr 2019
      • 344
      • Just about anything with smoke and/or grilled is better.

      JOKE: My house got TP'd last night. It's now appraised at $875,000.



      NOT so funny: --and I STILL cannot find toilet paper; I feel like Diogenes, asking everyone I meet, "Know where to find TP?"
      :-)

      Last edited by Foehn Watts; April 10, 2020, 04:14 PM.

      Comment


      • wu7y
        wu7y commented
        Editing a comment
        Sell NOW! Do it before it rains!!
    • ComfortablyNumb
      Club Member
      • May 2017
      • 3495
      • Northeast Washington
      • KBQ C-60
        PK360
        Thermoworks Smoke
        Thermoworks Thermopop
        Thermoworks Dot

      A fellow gets pulled over for doing 80 in an 60 zone. The deputy walks up and asks for his license. "I don't have one" replied the man. Then he's asked for the registration. "Well, the car is actually stolen. And you should know, I have an unregistered firearm in the glove box and a kilo of cocaine in the trunk." The deputy tells him he's going to call out the sheriff and to sit still with his hands in view. When the sheriff gets there he approaches the man who gives him his driver's license and registration. The sheriff looks puzzled and says, "My deputy says you didn't have a license, this car is stolen, and that you have a firearm and contraband in the car." "None of that is true," says the man, "What else is he going to accuse me of, speeding?"

      Comment

      • jecucolo
        Club Member
        • Nov 2015
        • 1273
        • Schertz Texas
        • Pit Barrel Cooker






        There was an elderly couple attending church service when the man leaned over and whispered in his wife ear I just snuck out a silent fart what should I do. She lean over and whispered back, "Change the batteries in your hearing aid."

        Comment

        • jecucolo
          Club Member
          • Nov 2015
          • 1273
          • Schertz Texas
          • Pit Barrel Cooker






          A truck heading north loaded with thousands of copies thesaurus had a terrible accident and overturn on interstate 35 yesterday. Luckily no one was seriously injured but the
          witnesses were stunned, startled, aghast, taken aback, stupefied, confused, shocked, rattled, paralyzed, dazed, bewildered, mixed up, surprised, awed, dumbfounded, nonplussed, flabbergasted, astounded, amazed, confounded, astonished, overwhelmed, numbed speechless and perplexed.

          Comment


          • FireMan
            FireMan commented
            Editing a comment
            And awestruck.
        • holehogg
          Club Member
          • Nov 2017
          • 2580
          • Port Elizabeth, South Africa

          A few senseless lockdown brain teasers.

          If poison expires, is it more poisonous or us it no longer poisonous?

          Which letter is silent in the word "scent" - the S or the C?

          Do twins ever realise one of them is unplanned?

          Every time you clean something you just make something else dirty.

          Comment

          • JimLinebarger
            Club Member
            • Jun 2017
            • 922
            • Spokane Valley, Wa.
            • Grills/Smokers
              Blaze 32" 4-Burner Gas Grill w/infrared rear rotisserie burner
              Weber Jumbo Joe
              Weber 22" Master-Touch Kettle
              Pit Barrel Cooker
              Great Outdoors Smoky Mountain Series 36" Vertical Gas Smoker
              Traeger Timberline 850

              Thermometers
              Thermoworks Smoke
              Maverick ET-733
              Thermapen Mk4, Red

              Sous Vide
              Anova Culinary Sous Vide Precision Cooker, Bluetooth, 800W
              Anova Precision Cooker Insulated Container
              Lipavi C15 container and lid
              Lipavi L15 Rack

              Accessories
              SNS
              BBQ Guru DigiQ (for PBC and 22" Weber Kettle)
              BBQ Dragon
              BBQ Dragon Grill Table for 22" Weber Kettle
              Fire Butler (for Weber 22")
              Grill Grates for Jumbo Joe and Blaze grill
              Hovergrill

              About me
              Name: Jim
              Nick name: Bear
              Location: Spokane Valley, Wa.
              Born at a very young age at Egland AFB, Ft. Walton Beach, FL.

              USAF vet, ECM (F4 & B52)/B52 Crew Chief, Computer Systems NCO, disabled
              Former Computer Tech/Admin
              Campus Manager/Lead Tech/Tech (IT) for The Kemtah Group contracted to Intel, Rio Rancho, NM.
              Short Term Missionary to the Marshall Islands with MAPS of DFM of AOG

            This may have been posted before but I ain't gonna go back and read 55 pages to find out, at least not yet...

            A cowboy named Bud was overseeing his herd in a remote, mountainous pasture in Montana when suddenly a brand-new BMW advanced out of a cloud of dust toward him.

            The driver, a young man in a Brioni suit, Gucci shoes, RayBan sunglasses and a YSL tie, leans out the window and asked the cowboy, “If I tell you exactly how many cows and calves you have in your herd, will you give me a calf?”

            Bud looked at the man, obviously a yuppie, then looked at his peacefully grazing herd and calmly answered, “Sure, why not?”

            The yuppie parked his car, whipped out his Dell notebook computer, connected it to his Singular RAZR V3 cellphone, and surfed to a NASA page on the Internet, where he called up a GPS satellite to get an exact fix on his location, which he then fed to another NASA satellite that scanned the area in an ultra-high-resolution photo.

            The young man then opened the digital photo in Adobe Photoshop and exported it to an image processing facility in Hamburg, Germany.

            Within seconds, he received an e-mail on his Palm Pilot that the image has been processed and the data stored. He then accessed an MS-SQL database through an ODBC connected Excel spreadsheet with email on his Blackberry and, after a few minutes, received a response.

            Finally, he printed out a full-color, 150-page report on his hi-tech, miniaturized HP Laser Jet printer and turned to the cowboy and said, “You have exactly 1,586 cows and calves.”

            “That’s right. Well, I guess you can take one of my calves,” Bud replied.

            He watched the young man selected one of the animals and looks on amused as the young man stuffed it into the trunk of his car.

            Then Bud told to the young man, “Hey, if I can tell you exactly what your business is, will you give me back my calf?”

            The young man thinks about it for a second and then said, “OK, why not?”

            “You’re a congressman for the U.S. government,” said Bud.

            “Wow! That’s correct,” said the yuppie, “but how did you guess that?”

            “No guessing required,” the cowboy answered. “You showed up here, even though nobody called you. You want to get paid for an answer I already knew, to a question I never asked. Then you tried to show me how much smarter you are than me. And you don’t know a darn thing about cows… This is a herd of sheep.

            “Now give me back my dog!”

            Comment


            • Bogy
              Bogy commented
              Editing a comment
              It may already be in here, but don't worry about that. I don't, I've probably repeated a couple of jokes a couple of times. It's an oldie, but goodie. Probably one of these days somebody should update it, you can tell the age by some of the references like Palm Pilot & RAZR V3. Both of which I had, and I think I still have a couple of Palm Pilots stashed somewhere. But a great joke.
          • MTurney
            Former Member
            • Feb 2020
            • 262
            • Grapevine, TX

            ...
            Attached Files

            Comment


            • Bogy
              Bogy commented
              Editing a comment
              My wife, who has worked in public health for 14 years and had to pass a test on glove removal every year, showed me how to remove my gloves. I didn't think it was much different than the way I always did it. I can remove a pair of gloves without getting grease on my hands after cleaning a grill, so I don't figure I do too bad.

            • RichieB
              RichieB commented
              Editing a comment
              Bogy I saw something somewhere on the right way to remove them. It could have here I saw it. I've started using that method. I'll see if I can find it.

            • DesertRaider
              DesertRaider commented
              Editing a comment
              I laughed way to hard at this.
          • surfdog
            Club Member
            • Mar 2016
            • 1232
            • Sunny SoCal
            • Cooking gadgets
              Weber Summit Charcoal Grill Center
              Weber Summit Platinum D6
              Blue Rhino Razor
              Dyna-Glo XL Premium Dual Chamber
              Camp Chef Somerset IV along with their Artisan Pizza Oven 90
              Anova WiFi

              Thermometers
              Thermapen Mk4 - ThermaQ High Temp Kit - ThermaQ Meathead Kit - ThermaQ WiFi - ThermoWorks IR-GUN-S - ThermoWorks Signals & Billows - ThermoPop -ThermoWorks ProNeedle - ThermoWorks TimeStick Trio x2 - and a Christopher Kimball timer - NO, I do not work for ThermoWorks...I just like their products.

              Other useful bits...
              KitchenAid 7-qt Pro Line stand mixer
              A Black & Decker food processor that I can't seem to murder
              A couple of immersion blenders, one a "consumer" model & the other a "high end" Italian thing. Yes, the Italian one is a bit better, but only marginally
              Instant Pot Duo Evo Plus 8-qt + accessories like egg-bite & egg holders
              All-Clad pots & pans, along with some cast iron...everything from 7" Skookie pans to 8.5qt Dutch ovens
              Weber GBS griddle, pizza stone, and wok
              Knives range from Mercer to F. Dick to "You spent how much for one knife? One knife?!" LOL

            Click image for larger version

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            Comment


            • Mr. Bones
              Mr. Bones commented
              Editing a comment
              Rofl!
              Last edited by Mr. Bones; April 12, 2020, 09:06 AM.
          • MTurney
            Former Member
            • Feb 2020
            • 262
            • Grapevine, TX

            ...
            Attached Files

            Comment


            • RonB
              RonB commented
              Editing a comment
              Who sent you my photo?

            • jecucolo
              jecucolo commented
              Editing a comment
              So how does he get things of the shelf?

            • Andrrr
              Andrrr commented
              Editing a comment
              I keep thinking about this picture. He’s got tubes in his nose so I imagine he’s at risk, but no facemask. Don’t you think you’d at least resort to a face mask long before you walk around with that monstrosity on your noggin?
          • Foehn Watts
            Club Member
            • Apr 2019
            • 344
            • Just about anything with smoke and/or grilled is better.

            You need this. You know you do. Family Lockdown Boogie: https://youtu.be/G-ugfNXYcDg

            Comment


            • ofelles
              ofelles commented
              Editing a comment
              That is great. Some times too much time is a good thing.

            • 58limited
              58limited commented
              Editing a comment
              That was fun.

            • JCGrill
              JCGrill commented
              Editing a comment
              That should be on the top 40 station next week.
          • RonB
            Club Member
            • Apr 2016
            • 13648
            • Near Richmond VA
            • Weber Performer Deluxe
              SNS
              Pizza insert
              Rotisserie
              Smokenator 1000
              Cookshack Smokette Elite
              2 Thermapens
              Chefalarm
              Dot
              lots of probes.
              CyberQ

            Click image for larger version

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            Comment

            • RonB
              Club Member
              • Apr 2016
              • 13648
              • Near Richmond VA
              • Weber Performer Deluxe
                SNS
                Pizza insert
                Rotisserie
                Smokenator 1000
                Cookshack Smokette Elite
                2 Thermapens
                Chefalarm
                Dot
                lots of probes.
                CyberQ

              THE ECONOMY IS SO BAD…



              How bad is it you ask?

              So bad,

              THAT….

              My neighbor got a pre-declined credit card in the mail.

              CEO’s are now playing miniature golf.

              Exxon-Mobil laid off 25 Congressmen.

              I saw a Mormon with only one wife.

              McDonald’s is selling the 1/4 ouncer.

              Angelina Jolie adopted a child from America.

              Parents in Beverly Hills fired their nannies and learned their children’s names.

              A truckload of Americans was caught sneaking into Mexico.

              A picture is now only worth 200 words.

              When Bill and Hillary travel together, they now have to share a room.

              The Treasure Island casino in Las Vegas is now managed by Somali pirates.

              Comment


              • Bogy
                Bogy commented
                Editing a comment
                Casinos are now operating as drive ups. You just drive up, hand over all your money, and leave.

              • Steve R.
                Steve R. commented
                Editing a comment
                Sounds like a win, Bogy. Same result, but no second hand smoke, and no putting your clothes straight in the washing machine when you get home. 😃
            • Rocinante
              Club Member
              • Dec 2019
              • 157
              • Knoxville, TN

              I haven't seen this one posted yet...

              https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ms7capx4Cb8

              Comment


              • Mosca
                Mosca commented
                Editing a comment
                That is really good!

              • Andrrr
                Andrrr commented
                Editing a comment
                That was good.

              • JCGrill
                JCGrill commented
                Editing a comment
                Oh God, that is so awesome.

            Announcement

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            2021 Meat-Up In Memphis Canceled - Rescheduled for March 2022

            We've unfortunately had to cancel the 2021 Meat-Up in Memphis. We are rescheduling for March 18-20, 2022. More details and re-booking info coming soon! For now click here for more info.
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