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    • RonB
      RonB commented
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      Almost. Daily...

    • ComfortablyNumb
      ComfortablyNumb commented
      Editing a comment
      The variation is Wife: What do you want for dinner? Husband: Burgers
      Wife: Really, I wanted tacos. Husband: Tacos is fine Wife: Are you sure? I'll make them only if you want them. Husband: Okay then, make tacos. Wife: Well you don't sound like you want tacos. We can have something else if you really don't want them. Husband: Okay, I want tacos. Wife: I'll just make spaghetti.

    • Foehn Watts
      Foehn Watts commented
      Editing a comment
      Sounds EXACTLY what the go-between me and my husband. Sometimes I just end it with "leftovers". Works for me.

    A gritty tale...

    A man was just arrested and charged with murder for killing a man with sandpaper.

    During the arrest he said, “To be honest, I only intended to rough him up a bit.”

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      Three men were talking about screams of passion.

      The first said: "Last night I massaged my wife all over her body with the finest extra virgin olive oil and I made her scream, non stop for five minutes".

      The Second, not to be outdone, said: "Last night I massaged my wife all over her body with special lavender oil from Provence and I made her scream for fifteen minutes straight.”

      The third said, “That's nothing! Last night I massaged my wife, y'know, all over her body with homemade butter. I caressed her entire body with the butter and I made her scream for two long hours.”

      The first two, astonished, asked, "Two full hours?! Wow!!! That's phenomenal! How did you do it to make her scream for two hours?!”

      He replied: "I wiped my hands on the curtains.”

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        It helps if you imagine autocorrect as a tiny little elf in your phone who's trying so hard to be helpful but is in fact quite drunk!

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          I made a playlist for hiking!

          It has music from Peanuts, The Cranberries, and Eminem.


          I call it my… Trail Mix.

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          • JCGrill
            JCGrill commented
            Editing a comment
            Ow ow ow!

          • Foehn Watts
            Foehn Watts commented
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            And if you are really out of food you can try The Seeds and The Beatles too.

          • Thunder77
            Thunder77 commented
            Editing a comment
            Grooooooooan!! 😜😜

          Yoko Ono has been signed up for the next series of 'I'm a celebrity, get me out of here!' Show bosses think she will do really well since she's been living off a dead Beatle for the last thirty years.

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              After a few pints down at the local, talk got round to who had the most expensive watch. I showed mine first.

              "That's a Rolex Oyster, worth two and a half grand," I grinned.

              My mate John smiled and proudly pointed to his wrist.

              "This is a white gold Patek Phillipe. I paid the best part of twenty grand for it."

              Dave rolled up his sleeve to show his watch.

              "What do you think of that then? It cost me £200,000."

              Me and John stared a while then I said, "Dave, Thats a Casio."

              "I know," he sighed. "My ex-wife bought it for me then found it in her sister's bed."

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                • DesertRaider
                  DesertRaider commented
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                  Bogy, you mind if I borrow this? It's perfect!!

                • Bogy
                  Bogy commented
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                  DesertRaider, since I borrowed it in the first place, be my guest.

                • Mr. Bones
                  Mr. Bones commented
                  Editing a comment
                  Last time I gave a gentle lil tootle at one tham stickers, th driver flipped me off... go figger...

                KFC is now test marketing their Beyond Chicken at the KFC in San Francisco's Chinatown. This is included with every meal:

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                  A priest, a rabbit, and a minister walk into a bar. The rabbit says "I'm probably a typo".

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                    Remember not to pop bubble wrap. It’s made in China now and the air inside might be contaminated.

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                        Given a couple of recent threads I thought this was apropos.

                        Q: How many people does it take to change a light bulb in a Facebook group?

                        1 to change the light bulb and to post that the light bulb has been changed.
                        14 to share similar experiences of changing light bulbs and how the light bulb could have been changed differently.
                        7 to caution about the dangers of changing light bulbs.
                        17 purists who use candles and are offended by light bulb discussions.
                        6 to argue over whether it's 'lightbulb' or 'light bulb'.
                        Another 6 to condemn those 6 as stupid.
                        22 to tell THOSE 6 to stop being jerks.
                        2 industry professionals to inform the group that the proper term is 'lamp'.
                        15 know-it-alls who claim they were in the industry, and that 'light bulb' is perfectly correct.
                        49 to post memes and gifs (several are of Michael Jackson eating popcorn with the words added, “I’m just here for the comments.”)
                        19 to post that this page is not about light bulbs and to please take this discussion to a light bulb page.
                        11 to defend the posting to this page saying that we all use light bulbs and therefore the posts are relevant here.
                        24 to discuss the merits of LED/swirly fluorescent light bulbs
                        44 to claim LED and fluorescent bulbs will kill you.
                        12 to post F.
                        8 to ask what F means.
                        7 to post 'Following' but there's 3 dots at the top right that means you don't have to.
                        3 to say "can't share"
                        2 to reply "can't share from a closed group"
                        36 People to post pics of their own light bulbs.
                        15 People to post "I can't see S$%^!" and use their own light bulbs.
                        6 to report the post or PM an admin because someone said "f÷×$"
                        4 to say "Didn't we go through this already a short time ago?".
                        13 to say "Do a search on light bulbs before posting questions about light bulbs".
                        1 to bring politics into the discussion by adding that (insert politician of choice) isn't the brightest bulb. This usually takes place within the first three comments.
                        50 more to get into personal attacks over their political views.
                        5 admins to ban the light bulb posters who took it all too seriously.
                        1 late arrival to comment on the original post 6 months later and start it all over again.

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                        • surfdog
                          surfdog commented
                          Editing a comment
                          Absolutely spot on!

                        • ComfortablyNumb
                          ComfortablyNumb commented
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                          pkadare I hope you're right, if the 'Jokes' thread is closed or deleted we'll be blaming you, hoser! ;-)

                        • Thunder77
                          Thunder77 commented
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                          I’ll be the one six months later! 😜😜

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