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      • Craigar
        Craigar commented
        Editing a comment
        You're such a rebel.

      It's funny because it's true.

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        Originally posted by pkadare View Post
        It's funny because it's true.

        Click image for larger version  Name:	baddecision.jpg Views:	12 Size:	36.5 KB ID:	805453
        Some of us own multiple complete sets. You are either young or have been in a comma. welcome to life.
        (sometimes my keyboarddd is faster than I am )
        Last edited by THE Humble Texan; February 21, 2020, 01:49 PM.

        Comment


        • Bogy
          Bogy commented
          Editing a comment
          Yeah, pretty sure I have some duplicates if pkadare needs to fill out his set.

        • Polarbear777
          Polarbear777 commented
          Editing a comment
          If you’ve been in a “comma”, you’ve paused long enough to move on with the sentence. :-)

        • pkadare
          pkadare commented
          Editing a comment
          Polarbear777 - I was thinking along similar lines and while I'm one of those who is quick to jump on spelling and grammar errors on the broader intertubes, I didn't want to be "that guy" here. I do respect your willingness to jump in with both feet though. :-)

        I realise the weather is getting better, but the roads are still pretty slick, so be careful. I've slid into the BBQ store and butcher shop three times.

        Comment


        • Bogy
          Bogy commented
          Editing a comment
          Slick is an understatement for the parking lot at one of my churches. We've been going through a thaw/freeze/thaw/freeze cycle. About 2/3 of the parking lot is gravel, and when I went to a meeting Wednesday night I was the first one there, and figured I couldn't hit anything, so I had fun sliding across it in my car. I parked, and was walking in when I had the thought that someone else might hit the ice and slide into my car. Then I watched the next arrival end up about 3 feet from my car.

        This is not a joke but real: The secured wireless network of one of my neighbors is called Tell My Wifi Love Her. It sometimes shows up on my available networks list.

        Comment


        • surfdog
          surfdog commented
          Editing a comment
          Years ago I had a neighbour of a house we were renting short term in northern England that had a WiFi network called Get Your Own!. Took me a little over an hour to crack that one. LOL

        • pkadare
          pkadare commented
          Editing a comment
          I've seen all kind of strange names. Probably the funniest I've seen was "FBI Surveillance Van #7".

        A woman walks into an Ozzie accountant's office and tells him that she needs to file her taxes.

        The accountant says, "Before we begin, I'll need to ask you a few questions."

        He gets her name, address etc. and then asks, “What’s your occupation?"

        "I'm a prostitute," she says.

        The accountant is somewhat taken aback and says, "Let's try to rephrase that."

        The woman says, "OK, I'm a high-end call girl"……"No, that still won't work... Try again."

        They both think for a minute; then the woman says, "I'm an elite poultry farmer."

        The accountant asks, "What does poultry farming have to do with being a prostitute?"

        "Well, I raised a thousand cocks last year."…..Tax man says

        “Poultry Farmer it is then."

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          • surfdog
            surfdog commented
            Editing a comment
            Reminds me of going to the gym...and asking the guy which machine I should use to make women find me more attractive. He pointed to the ATM in the lobby. Doh!

          Not a joke, but since puns are popular here, I thought some might be interested in this game.


          https://www.indiegogo.com/projects/p...iant=control#/

          Spinaker ??

          Comment


          • holehogg
            holehogg commented
            Editing a comment
            Doing a bit of PUNting I see.

          • Spinaker
            Spinaker commented
            Editing a comment
            Nothing I love more than a great pun!

          What cheese is made backwards?



          edam

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            A woman in a supermarket is following a grandfather and his badly-behaved grandson. He has his hands full with the child screaming for sweets, biscuits, all sorts of things. The grandad is saying in a controlled voice: "Easy, William, we won't be long . . . easy boy."
            Another outburst and she hears the grandad calmly say : "It's okay William. Just a couple more minutes and we'll be out of here. Hang in there, boy."
            At the checkout the little horror is throwing items out of the trolley. Grandad says again in a controlled voice : "William, William, relax buddy, don't get upset. We'll be home in five minutes, stay cool William."
            Very impressed, she goes outside to where the grandfather is loading his groceries and the boy into the car. She says : "It's none of my business, but you were amazing in there. I don't know how you did it. That whole time you kept your composure, and no matter how loud and disruptive he got, you just calmly kept saying things would be okay. William is very lucky to have you as his grandad."
            "Thanks," says the grandpa. "But I am William. The little b******'s name is Kevin."

            Comment


            • ScottyC13
              ScottyC13 commented
              Editing a comment
              Excellent!

            • Bogy
              Bogy commented
              Editing a comment
              I used that story as a sermon illustration recently.

            A husband and wife are getting all snugly in bed.

            The passion is heating up, but then the wife stops and says "I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me."

            The husband says "WHAT??"

            The wife explains that he must not be in tune with her emotional needs as a Woman.

            The husband realizes that nothing is going to happen tonight and he might as well deal with it.

            The next day the husband takes her shopping at a big department store.

            He walks around and has her try on three very expensive outfits and then tells his wife, "We'll take all three of them".

            Next they go over and get matching shoes worth $200 each.

            Finally they go to the Jewelry Department and get diamond earrings.

            The wife is so excited (she thinks her husband has flipped out) She goes for the tennis bracelet.

            The husband says "but you don't even play tennis, but OK if you like it then let's get it."

            The wife is jumping up and down so excited she cannot even believe what is going on.

            She says "I am ready to go, lets go to the cash register."

            The husband says," No, honey we're not going to BUY all this stuff."

            The wife's face goes blank.

            "No honey, I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while."

            Her face gets red and she is about to explode and then the Husband says "You must not be in tune with my financial needs as a Man!"

            Comment


            • DesertRaider
              DesertRaider commented
              Editing a comment
              I just can't see it ending well for him. I'd bet very slow and painful.

            A man walks out to the street and catches a taxi just passing by. He gets into the taxi and the driver says, “Perfect timing. You’re just like Frank.”
            Passenger: “Who?”
            Cabbie: “Frank. Frank Feldman. He’s a guy who did everything right all the time. Like my coming along when you needed a cab, things happened like that to Frank every single time.”
            Passenger: “There are always a few clouds over everybody.”
            Cabbie: “Not Frank. He was a terrific athlete. He could have won the Grand-slam at tennis. He could golf with the pros. He sang like an opera baritone and danced like a Broadway star and you should have heard him play the piano. He was an amazing guy.”
            Passenger: “Sounds like he was something really special.”
            Cabbie: “There’s more. He had a memory like a computer. He remembered everybody’s birthday. He knew all about wine, which foods to order and which fork to use. He could fix anything. Not like me. I change a fuse, and the whole street blacks out. But Frank could do everything right."
            Passenger: “Wow, some guy then.”
            Cabbie: “He always knew the quickest way to go in traffic and avoid traffic jams. Not like me, I always seem to get stuck in them. But Frank, he never made a mistake, and he really knew how to treat a woman and make her feel good. He would never answer her back even if she was in the wrong. And his clothing was always immaculate, shoes highly polished too. He was the perfect man! He never made a mistake. No one could ever measure up to Frank Feldman.”
            Passenger: “An amazing fellow. How did you meet him?”
            Cabbie: “Well, I never actually met Frank. He died and I married his wife.”

            Comment


              Jim and Bob, friends who had not seen each other for quite awhile, ran into each other on the street. They stopped to chat for a few minutes exchanging pleasantries - how's the wife, how're the kids, what are they doing now? They brought each other more or less up to date. Jim finally asked Bob, "How's your business doing?" Bob looked at Jim, smiled and said, "It's a lot like sex."

              Seeing Jim's puzzled look he went on to say, "Oh, you know. When it's good it's great and when it's bad it's still pretty good."

              Comment


              • gcdmd
                gcdmd commented
                Editing a comment
                Sort of like powder skiing.

              • wu7y
                wu7y commented
                Editing a comment
                No. It's a lot like powder skiing.

              Miss Beatrice, the church organist, was in her eighties and had never been married. She was admired for sweetness and kindness to all. One afternoon the pastor
              went to check on her and she showed him into her quaint sitting room. She invited him to have a seat while she prepared tea. As he sat facing her old pump organ, the young minister noticed a cut-glass bowl sitting on top of it. The bowl was filled with water. In the water floated, of all things, a condom! When she returned with tea and scones, they began to chat. The pastor tried to stifle his curiosity about the bowl of water and its strange floater, but soon it got the better of him and he could no longer resist. "Miss Beatrice", he said, "I wonder if you would tell me about this?" pointing to the bowl. "Oh, yes" she replied, "isn't it wonderful? I was walking through the park a few months ago and I found this little package on the ground. The directions said to place it on the organ, keep it wet and that it would prevent the spread of disease. Do you know I haven't had the flu all winter!"

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