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      Two women were playing golf. One teed off and watched in horror as her ball headed directly toward a foursome of men playing the next hole.

      The ball hit one of the men.

      He immediately clasped his hands together at his groin, fell to the ground and proceeded to roll around in agony.

      The woman rushed down to the man, and immediately began to apologize. “Please allow me to help. I'm a Physical Therapist and I know I could relieve your pain if you'd allow me,” she told him.

      “Oh, no, I'll be all right. I'll be fine in a few minutes,” the man replied.

      He was in obvious agony, lying in the fetal position, still clasping his hands there at his groin.

      At her persistence, however, he finally allowed her to help.

      She gently took his hands away and laid them to the side, loosened his pants and put her hands inside.

      She administered a tender and artful massage for several long minutes and asked, “How does that feel?”

      He replied, “It feels great, but I still think my thumb is broken!”

      Comment


        According to the "experts" and packaging: A serving of chips (crisps for my UK brethren) is 10. Yes, 10.

        As for actual humans: I can easily eat 10 while I'm standing at the pantry with the bag open trying to decide if I want to eat chips.

        Comment


        • ComfortablyNumb
          ComfortablyNumb commented
          Editing a comment
          Ten sounds like a single serving to me, unless you get the large bags, then it is only one.

        • Thunder77
          Thunder77 commented
          Editing a comment
          🤣🤣🤣

        Firefighters in Dublin responded to a call that a local pub was on fire.

        When they get there, there was a man walking out of the burning bar covered in cinder and ash.

        As the crew was putting the fire out, the fire chief asked the man if he knew what caused the fire in the pub.

        The man said, “No...it was burningi like that when I walked in.”

        Comment


          Some call it multi-tasking, I call it doing something else while I try to remember what I was doing in the first place!

          Comment


          • RichieB
            RichieB commented
            Editing a comment
            I can relate.

          • Thunder77
            Thunder77 commented
            Editing a comment
            Too true for comfort! 😜

          Three drunk buddies hop into a cab. The taxi driver new they were drunk so he just started the engine and then turned off the the cab. Then said “We reach our destination gentlemen.” As the first guy exits the cab he gives him the fair, the second guy said “Thank You!” The third rider slapped him. The driver was shocked thinking he knew what he did. But then asked “What was that for?” The third guy replies, “Control your speed next time you almost got us killed!”
          Last edited by jecucolo; February 6, 2020, 07:46 PM.

          Comment


          • ComfortablyNumb
            ComfortablyNumb commented
            Editing a comment
            Nothing for me as well. But then there was recently one that got likes in spite of me not being able to see anything.

          • RonB
            RonB commented
            Editing a comment
            ComfortablyNumb - It's another stealth joke, and you need your stealth glasses to see it.

          • DesertRaider
            DesertRaider commented
            Editing a comment
            OK, I thought it was funny. Not sure what it says about my sense of humor though.

          This morning I started the day by running around the block. Then I picked up the block and put it back in the toy box.

          Comment


            This is a true story folks. It happened to me way back in the 70's while I was managing a fast food restaurant. That was well before the internet allowed kids to see adult stuff way to young thus preserving a bit of innocence for the employees still in high school.

            We had some slack time with no customers and we had cleaned up and restocked everything. While standing around talking, one of the young ladies asked why men were so messy in the restroom. A thousand things went through my mind, but I wanted something age appropriate. After some thought I finally said "It's much easier to hit the target when you are sitting on it". That ended the discussion as well as getting a few laughs.

            Comment


            • ComfortablyNumb
              ComfortablyNumb commented
              Editing a comment
              I find targeting the floor much easier standing than sitting.

            Where do I sign?
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            • ComfortablyNumb
              ComfortablyNumb commented
              Editing a comment
              One would think they would keep those two events as far apart as possible....

            https://gallery.mailchimp.com/c45e3bed9ec36e663940657a4/images/964ea85b-35d6-4b76-8aa5-3866003eac2d.jpg


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            • JCGrill
              JCGrill commented
              Editing a comment
              Love that YMCA one.

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            • Bogy
              Bogy commented
              Editing a comment
              Yeah, that "nonexistent" area. My sister was living in Massachusetts and missing our parents back in Iowa. A friend offered to drive with her for a weekend visit. That's when she realized people in New England had no concept of how big the country really was.

            • ComfortablyNumb
              ComfortablyNumb commented
              Editing a comment
              Bogy When I lived in San Diego we used to say there was no life east of I-5. Basically, the only thing west of I-5 was the beach....

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            • ComfortablyNumb
              ComfortablyNumb commented
              Editing a comment
              I was too, but since you didn't laugh at it yesterday, I knew you wouldn't tomorrow.

            A woman, bit upright because her husband was late coming home again, decided to leave a note, saying,

            "I've had enough and have left you...don't bother coming after me."

            Then she hid under the bed to see his reaction.


            After a short while the husband came home.

            She could hear him in the kitchen before he came into the bedroom.

            She could see him walk towards the dresser and pick up the note...


            After a minute or so, he wrote something on it before picking up the phone and calling someone...

            "She's finally gone. Yeah, I know, about bloody time.

            I'm coming to see you. Put on that sexy French nightie.

            I love you...can't wait to see you...we'll do all the naughty things you like."

            He hung up, grabbed his keys, and left.



            She heard the car drive off as she came out from under the bed.

            Seething with rage and with tears in her eyes, she grabbed the note to see what he wrote.

            "I can see your feet. We're out of bread; be back in five minutes."

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                I just knew sooner or later someone was going to get me going on puns again:

                Davey had just joined the Navy and was in boot camp. He needed a little more money than Uncle Sam was paying at the time and saw an ad that the local artificial insemination/fertility clinic was looking for qualified donors. He thought that he could be a donor and make a few bucks. He completed all of the required paperwork and was told come back the next day for his interview.

                The clinic director told him that his family history, genealogy, physical condition and medical history was all more then acceptable but they just couldn't use him at that time. When he asked why the clinic director looked at him sadly and said, "Davey, when we looked into your military records it appears that you are not a seaman first class."

                Can I stay around for awhile or do I have to leave now?

                Comment


                • HawkerXP
                  HawkerXP commented
                  Editing a comment
                  aaaaaah!

                • RonB
                  RonB commented
                  Editing a comment
                  You can stay if you promise to post more jokes like this one.

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