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    Two camels were walking in the desert, one camel looks at the second camel and says, "I don't care what they say, I'm thirsty."


      'A few decades ago we had Johnny Cash, Bob Hope and Steve Jobs. Now we have no Cash, no Hope and no Jobs. Please don't let Kevin Bacon die.'


      • vandy
        vandy commented
        Editing a comment
        Now that one is to LOL at!

      A little girl picks up the phone.
      “Hi honey. This is Daddy. Is Mommy near the phone?” Daddy asks.
      “No, Daddy. She’s upstairs in the bedroom with Uncle Paul.”
      After a brief pause, Daddy says, “But honey, you haven’t got an Uncle Paul.”
      “Oh yes I do, and he’s upstairs in the room with Mommy, right now.”
      Dad takes a second to process this, then speaks. “Uh, okay then, this is what I want you to do. Put the phone down on the table, run upstairs, knock on the bedroom door and shout to Mommy that Daddy’s car just pulled into the driveway.”
      A few minutes later the little girl comes back to the phone. “I did it, Daddy!”
      “And what happened, honey?” he asked.
      “Well, Mommy got all scared, jumped out of bed with no clothes on and ran around screaming. Then she tripped over the rug, hit her head on the dresser and now she isn’t moving at all!”
      “Oh my God! What about your Uncle Paul?”
      “He jumped out of the bed with no clothes on, too. He was all scared and he jumped out of the back window and into the swimming pool. But I guess he didn’t know that you took out the water last week to clean it. He hit the bottom of the pool and I think he’s dead.”
      A long, silent pause.
      Then Daddy says, “Swimming pool? ... Is this 486-5731?”


        A blonde heard that baths in milk would make her beautiful. She left a note for her milkman to leave 25 gallons of milk. When the milkman read the note, he felt there must be a mistake. He thought she probably meant 2.5 gallons. So he knocked on the door to clarify the point.

        The blonde came to the door and the milkman said, "I found your
        note asking me to leave 25 gallons of milk. Did you mean 2.5 gallons?"

        The blonde said, "No, I want 25 gallons. I'm going to fill my bathtub up with milk and take a milk bath so I can look young and beautiful again."

        The milkman asked, "Do you want it pasteurized?"

        The blonde said,
        "No, just up to my boobs...I can splash it on my eyes if I need to!"


          Son to father...😆
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            Be very careful...
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              Things have changed...😏
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                A test for all you Pit members...
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                  Not everything turns out as intended.🤔
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                    Morris (the father) says to his son: "I want you to marry a girl of my choice."
                    His son immediately replies: "I will choose my own bride, father."
                    Morris sighs: "But the girl is Bill Gates' daughter."
                    The son thinks about this only for a split second then answers: "Well, in that case, yes!
                    Morris then approaches Bill Gates and says:"I have a husband for your lovely daughter."
                    Bill Gates quickly answers: "No chance! My daughter is too young to get married!"
                    Morris says: "But this young man is a vice-president of the World Bank."
                    Bill Gates thinks for a while then answers: "Ah well, in that case, yes, that'll be OK with me."
                    Finally Morris goes to see the president of the World Bank. and says: "I have a young
                    man to recommend as a Vice-President."

                    The President hurriedly answers: "Not interested, I already have more vice-presidents than Ineed."
                    Morris continues smiling: "But this young man is Bill Gates' son-in-law."
                    A few seconds pass, then the World Bank President answers: "Ah that's interesting,Hmmm... In that case, well yes, he can start tomorrow."
                    And that is how successful Jews do business... and no one gets hurt!


                    • Breadhead
                      Breadhead commented
                      Editing a comment
                      Sounds like it's out of the book... The Art of the Deal.😆

                    I have friend who is addicted to drinking brake fluid. But he says he can stop any time.
                    Last edited by Thunder77; March 23, 2016, 08:28 AM. Reason: spelling


                      My favorite BBQ joke is also a Priest and Rabbi joke and it is on the right column on this page. http://amazingribs.com/recipes/other.../charoses.html



                        George Phillips, an elderly man from

                        Walled Lake, Michigan, was going upto bed,
                        when his wife told him that he'd left the light on in the garden shed, which she could see from the bedroomwindow.

                        George opened the back door to go turn off the light,

                        but saw that there were people in the shed stealing things.

                        He phoned the police, who asked "Is someone in your house?"

                        He said "No," but some people are breaking into my garden shed andstealing from me.

                        Then the police dispatcher said "All patrols are busy, you should lock your doors and an officer will be along when one is available"

                        George said, "Okay."

                        He hung up the phone and counted to 30.

                        Then he phoned the police again.

                        "Hello, I just called you a few seconds ago because there were people stealing things from my shed. Well, you don't have to worry about them now because I just shot and killed them both;the dogs are eating them right now."

                        Then, he hung up.

                        Within five minutes, six Police Cars, a SWAT Team, a Helicopter, two FireTrucks, a Paramedic and an Ambulanceshowed up at the Phillips' residence, and caught the burglars red-handed.

                        One of the Policemen said to George:
                        "I thought you said that you'd shot them!"

                        George said, "I thought you said there was nobody available!"

                        (True Story)

                        Don't mess with old people!!!!!


                          Sparks fly... When you're with the one you love.😆
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                          • Munch
                            Munch commented
                            Editing a comment
                            Is he the inventor of an "Anti-Wheelie" device? And is he dreading that right about now?

                          • Huskee
                            Huskee commented
                            Editing a comment
                            Aren't the sparks going the wrong direction? Oh I see, I was just supposed to laugh. Woops

                          Why don't cannibals eat clowns?

                          They taste funny.



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