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Meat-Up in Memphis 2021

Join us in Memphis for our Meat-Up! Space is limited to 400, secure your spot by booking early!
Click here for details. (https://amazingribs.com/memphis)
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  • pkadare
    Club Member
    • Jun 2019
    • 895
    • Bobcaygeon, Ontario
    • My gear:
      22 Weber Kettle
      Napoleon PRO Charcoal Kettle Grill
      Broil King Keg
      Traeger Pro 34
      Napoleon Prestige Pro 500
      Pit Barrel Cooker
      Blackstone Range Combo Griddle

    Victoria's Secret and Smith & Wesson are merging.

    The new company will be called Titty Titty Bang Bang.

    Comment


    • ComfortablyNumb
      ComfortablyNumb commented
      Editing a comment
      Fed Ex and UPS are also merging, the new company will be called Fed UPS.
  • Neris
    Club Member
    • Dec 2018
    • 188
    • Dublin, Ireland (europe)

    A woman awakes during the night, and her husband isn't in bed with her. She goes downstairs to look for him. She finds him sitting at the kitchen table with a glass of whiskey in front of him. He appears to be in deep thought, just staring at the wall.

    She watches as he wipes a tear from his eye and takes a sip of his whiskey.

    "What's the matter, dear?" she asks. "Why are you down here at this time of night?"

    The husband looks up from his coffee, "Do you remember 20 years ago when we were dating, and you were only 16?" he asks solemnly.

    "Yes, I do," she replies.

    "Do you remember when your father caught us in the back seat of my car making love?"

    "Yes, I remember," says the wife, lowering herself into a chair beside him.

    The husband continues, "Do you remember when he shoved the gun in my face and said, 'Either you marry my daughter, or I'll send you to jail for 20 years?"

    "I remember that, too," she replies softly.

    He wipes another tear from his cheek and says, "I would have gotten out today."
    Attached Files

    Comment

    • Neris
      Club Member
      • Dec 2018
      • 188
      • Dublin, Ireland (europe)

      Jimmy is a second grader who went to school on a day like any other day.

      His teacher was giving a lesson in math.

      She asked, “Class, if five birds are on a telephone line and one flies away, how many birds are left?”.

      All students raised their hands.

      The teacher called on Jimmy.

      “None, something must has scared the first bird so all the birds flew away.” Answered Jimmy.

      The teacher relies: “That is not correct, the answer is four. But I like the way you think.”

      The day goes on and school let’s out for the day. The teacher is saying goodbye to the students as they leave. The last one out is Jimmy.

      Jimmy says to the teacher: “Mrs. Johnson, I have a question. There are three women, each with a lollypop. One licks her lolly, the second bites her lolly, the third sucks her lolly. Which one is married?”

      Teacher replies: “The woman who is sucking the lolly.”

      “Nope. The one with the wedding ring… but I like the way you think.”

      Comment

      • RonB
        Club Member
        • Apr 2016
        • 12579
        • Near Richmond VA
        • Weber Performer Deluxe
          SNS
          Pizza insert
          Rotisserie
          Smokenator 1000
          Cookshack Smokette Elite
          2 Thermapens
          Chefalarm
          Dot
          lots of probes.
          CyberQ

        At a bar, my friend made a remarkable shot in pool, and I asked how he did it.

        He said, “When I am about to take a shot, it’s like magic, I can just see the line where I need to shoot.”

        Then he threw a dart and got a bullseye on the first throw and I asked how he could aim the dart so well.

        He said, “When I am about to throw a dart, it’s like magic, I can just see the line where I need to throw it.”

        Later, he got in a fight with another guy at the bar. He threw a punch and missed badly. I asked how he could throw such a poorly aimed punch.

        He said, “There is no punch line.”

        Comment


        • gcdmd
          gcdmd commented
          Editing a comment
          Sounds like a Zen practitioner.

          BTW, what did the Zen practitioner say to the hot dog vendor?
          "Make me one with everything."
      • surfdog
        Club Member
        • Mar 2016
        • 1054
        • Sunny SoCal
        • Cooking gadgets
          Weber Summit Charcoal Grill Center
          Weber Summit Platinum D6
          Blue Rhino Razor
          Dyna-Glo XL Premium Dual Chamber
          Camp Chef Somerset IV along with their Artisan Pizza Oven 90
          Anova WiFi

          Thermometers
          Thermapen Mk4 - ThermaQ High Temp Kit - ThermaQ Meathead Kit - ThermaQ WiFi - ThermoWorks IR-GUN-S - ThermoWorks Signals & Billows - ThermoPop -ThermoWorks ProNeedle - ThermoWorks TimeStick Trio x2 - and a Christopher Kimball timer - NO, I do not work for ThermoWorks...I just like their products.

          Other useful bits...
          KitchenAid 7-qt Pro Line stand mixer
          A Black & Decker food processor that I can't seem to murder
          A couple of immersion blenders, one a "consumer" model & the other a "high end" Italian thing. Yes, the Italian one is a bit better, but only marginally
          Instant Pot Duo Evo Plus 8-qt + accessories like egg-bite & egg holders
          All-Clad pots & pans, along with some cast iron...everything from 7" Skookie pans to 8.5qt Dutch ovens
          Weber GBS griddle, pizza stone, and wok
          Knives range from Mercer to F. Dick to "You spent how much for one knife? One knife?!" LOL

        As many of you know, I fly a lot. A lot.

        Anyway the person sitting next to me on a flight was a woman.
        Ever the charmer, I used one of my best lines on her.

        I asked, “Does the airline charge you extra for sitting next to a good-looking man?”

        “Yes,” she replied, “but I wasn’t willing to pay.”

        ROFL Wait, WHAT?!

        Comment


        • ComfortablyNumb
          ComfortablyNumb commented
          Editing a comment
          My credit card has my picture on the back. When the clerk looks at it I say, "Nobody else could be that ugly." Usually it's met with things like "it's not ugly" or "don't say that." Best response ever was when a young lass said, "The customer is always right"!!

          When I was recently purchasing lumber for the chicken coop (okay, sedan) I got a 2x4 and the young lass said, "That's a stud" I replied, "It's been a long time since I've been called a stud." I think she is still laughing at it.
      • surfdog
        Club Member
        • Mar 2016
        • 1054
        • Sunny SoCal
        • Cooking gadgets
          Weber Summit Charcoal Grill Center
          Weber Summit Platinum D6
          Blue Rhino Razor
          Dyna-Glo XL Premium Dual Chamber
          Camp Chef Somerset IV along with their Artisan Pizza Oven 90
          Anova WiFi

          Thermometers
          Thermapen Mk4 - ThermaQ High Temp Kit - ThermaQ Meathead Kit - ThermaQ WiFi - ThermoWorks IR-GUN-S - ThermoWorks Signals & Billows - ThermoPop -ThermoWorks ProNeedle - ThermoWorks TimeStick Trio x2 - and a Christopher Kimball timer - NO, I do not work for ThermoWorks...I just like their products.

          Other useful bits...
          KitchenAid 7-qt Pro Line stand mixer
          A Black & Decker food processor that I can't seem to murder
          A couple of immersion blenders, one a "consumer" model & the other a "high end" Italian thing. Yes, the Italian one is a bit better, but only marginally
          Instant Pot Duo Evo Plus 8-qt + accessories like egg-bite & egg holders
          All-Clad pots & pans, along with some cast iron...everything from 7" Skookie pans to 8.5qt Dutch ovens
          Weber GBS griddle, pizza stone, and wok
          Knives range from Mercer to F. Dick to "You spent how much for one knife? One knife?!" LOL

        Click image for larger version

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        Comment


        • DesertRaider
          DesertRaider commented
          Editing a comment
          Or it's someone's last day!
      • surfdog
        Club Member
        • Mar 2016
        • 1054
        • Sunny SoCal
        • Cooking gadgets
          Weber Summit Charcoal Grill Center
          Weber Summit Platinum D6
          Blue Rhino Razor
          Dyna-Glo XL Premium Dual Chamber
          Camp Chef Somerset IV along with their Artisan Pizza Oven 90
          Anova WiFi

          Thermometers
          Thermapen Mk4 - ThermaQ High Temp Kit - ThermaQ Meathead Kit - ThermaQ WiFi - ThermoWorks IR-GUN-S - ThermoWorks Signals & Billows - ThermoPop -ThermoWorks ProNeedle - ThermoWorks TimeStick Trio x2 - and a Christopher Kimball timer - NO, I do not work for ThermoWorks...I just like their products.

          Other useful bits...
          KitchenAid 7-qt Pro Line stand mixer
          A Black & Decker food processor that I can't seem to murder
          A couple of immersion blenders, one a "consumer" model & the other a "high end" Italian thing. Yes, the Italian one is a bit better, but only marginally
          Instant Pot Duo Evo Plus 8-qt + accessories like egg-bite & egg holders
          All-Clad pots & pans, along with some cast iron...everything from 7" Skookie pans to 8.5qt Dutch ovens
          Weber GBS griddle, pizza stone, and wok
          Knives range from Mercer to F. Dick to "You spent how much for one knife? One knife?!" LOL

        A lady moved from Phoenix to Seattle and when she arrived it was raining. While she moved in, it rained. The next day it rained, and the next, and then the next.

        After several rainy days, while standing on her porch, she noticed a young boy on the porch of her neighbor's house. Trying not to sound too depressed, in a cheerful voice she called over to the lad, "Hi son, I'm your new neighbor."

        "Hi," the boy called back and waved.

        "Say, son, does it ever stop raining here?" she asked.

        With a look of consternation, the youngster replied, "Lady, how would I know? I'm only six years old!"

        Comment


        • Bogy
          Bogy commented
          Editing a comment
          My son in law feels right at home living just east of Seattle. He grew up in England.
      • Bogy
        Club Member
        • Mar 2016
        • 582
        • North Central Iowa
        • Blaz'n Grill Works Grid Iron
          Weber Genesis E-310
          Original Grilla
          Smokey Joe® Charcoal Grill 14"
          Thermoworks ThermoPop
          Thermoworks Thermapen Mk4
          Thermoworks Smoke Thermometer with gateway
          2 iGrillminis - from before they were Weber.

        Two mysterious people live in my house. Somebody and Nobody. Somebody did it and Nobody knows who. The really mysterious part is that there are only two people living in our house these days.

        Comment


        • gcdmd
          gcdmd commented
          Editing a comment
          Take the blame and apologize. Somebody might notice.

        • JimLinebarger
          JimLinebarger commented
          Editing a comment
          gcdmd I heard nobody noticed and nobody cares. You can ask anybody.
      • Neris
        Club Member
        • Dec 2018
        • 188
        • Dublin, Ireland (europe)

        An elderly Italian man who lived on the outskirts of Rimini Italy, went to the local church for confession.

        When the priest slid open the panel in the confessional, the man said: "Father, during World War II, a beautiful Jewish woman from our neighbourhood knocked urgently on my door and asked me to hide her from the Nazis. So I hid her in my attic."

        The priest replied: "That was a wonderful thing you did, and you have no need to confess that."

        "There is more to tell, Father. She started to repay me with sexual favours. This happened several times a week, and sometimes twice on Sundays."

        The priest said, "That was a long time ago and by doing what you did, you placed the two of you in great danger, but two people under those circumstances can easily succumb to the weakness of the flesh. However, if you are truly sorry for your actions,you are indeed forgiven."

        "Thank you, Father. That's a great load off my mind. I do have one more question."

        "And what is that?" asked the priest.

        "Should I tell her the war is over?''

        Comment

        • Neris
          Club Member
          • Dec 2018
          • 188
          • Dublin, Ireland (europe)

          Harold, an elderly man was stopped by the police around 2 AM and was asked where he was going at that time of night.

          Harold replied, "I'm on my way to a lecture about alcohol abuse and the effects it has on the human body, as well as smoking and staying out late."

          The officer then asked, "Really? Who's giving that lecture this late at night?"

          Harold replied, "That would be my wife."

          Comment

          • ComfortablyNumb
            Club Member
            • May 2017
            • 3193
            • Northeast Washington
            • KBQ C-60
              PK360
              Thermoworks Smoke
              Thermoworks Thermopop
              Thermoworks Dot

            Two cops sat in their patrol car out sight but where they could see the parking lot of the local watering hole. Just before closing time a fellow staggered out and headed for a car. He dropped his keys a couple of times before finding the lock. Fell down opening the door and fumbled getting his keys into the ignition. Meanwhile other patrons exited the bar and got into their cars. The cops ignored them, keeping their attention on the first fellow and patiently waiting. Soon the parking lot was empty but for the first fellow, who finally got his car started and jumped the curb driving out. The cops wasted no time, red lighting him within half a block. They pulled him out of the car, did a sobriety check, which he passed with flying colours. They even pulled out a field breathalyzer and he blew stone cold sober. Perplexed, they asked him how he had so much trouble getting into his car. He replied, "Because tonight I was the designated decoy!"
            Last edited by ComfortablyNumb; January 13, 2020, 06:25 PM.

            Comment

            • ComfortablyNumb
              Club Member
              • May 2017
              • 3193
              • Northeast Washington
              • KBQ C-60
                PK360
                Thermoworks Smoke
                Thermoworks Thermopop
                Thermoworks Dot

              I've posted this one before, but it fits the current theme and is worth, in my opinion, an encore:

              The barkeep tells the last patron, "Paddy, you have to leave, it's time to close." So Paddy gets off his barstool and BAM! falls flat on his face. So he thinks, "If I can jus' get meself to the street the fresh air will perk me up." So he crawls out of the pub to the street, stands up, and BAM! falls flat on his face. So he thinks, "If I can just get meself home I'll be good as rain." So he crawls a few blocks to his house, stands up, and BAM! falls flat on his face. So he now thinks, "If I can get me up the stairs and into bed without waking up the Missus, she'll never know and I'll be right as rain in the mornin'" So he crawls up the stairs, crawls into bed, and looks over at his wife who is sound asleep. He breathes a sigh of relief and goes to sleep. The next morning he is woken by his wife standing over him, "So you spent all night in the pub again, did you?" Terrified he replies, "What on earth makes you think that?" Sternly she says, "The barkeep just rang. He says you left your wheelchair there again."

              Comment

              • surfdog
                Club Member
                • Mar 2016
                • 1054
                • Sunny SoCal
                • Cooking gadgets
                  Weber Summit Charcoal Grill Center
                  Weber Summit Platinum D6
                  Blue Rhino Razor
                  Dyna-Glo XL Premium Dual Chamber
                  Camp Chef Somerset IV along with their Artisan Pizza Oven 90
                  Anova WiFi

                  Thermometers
                  Thermapen Mk4 - ThermaQ High Temp Kit - ThermaQ Meathead Kit - ThermaQ WiFi - ThermoWorks IR-GUN-S - ThermoWorks Signals & Billows - ThermoPop -ThermoWorks ProNeedle - ThermoWorks TimeStick Trio x2 - and a Christopher Kimball timer - NO, I do not work for ThermoWorks...I just like their products.

                  Other useful bits...
                  KitchenAid 7-qt Pro Line stand mixer
                  A Black & Decker food processor that I can't seem to murder
                  A couple of immersion blenders, one a "consumer" model & the other a "high end" Italian thing. Yes, the Italian one is a bit better, but only marginally
                  Instant Pot Duo Evo Plus 8-qt + accessories like egg-bite & egg holders
                  All-Clad pots & pans, along with some cast iron...everything from 7" Skookie pans to 8.5qt Dutch ovens
                  Weber GBS griddle, pizza stone, and wok
                  Knives range from Mercer to F. Dick to "You spent how much for one knife? One knife?!" LOL

                Breaking news: They’re not going to make yard sticks any longer.

                Comment

                • surfdog
                  Club Member
                  • Mar 2016
                  • 1054
                  • Sunny SoCal
                  • Cooking gadgets
                    Weber Summit Charcoal Grill Center
                    Weber Summit Platinum D6
                    Blue Rhino Razor
                    Dyna-Glo XL Premium Dual Chamber
                    Camp Chef Somerset IV along with their Artisan Pizza Oven 90
                    Anova WiFi

                    Thermometers
                    Thermapen Mk4 - ThermaQ High Temp Kit - ThermaQ Meathead Kit - ThermaQ WiFi - ThermoWorks IR-GUN-S - ThermoWorks Signals & Billows - ThermoPop -ThermoWorks ProNeedle - ThermoWorks TimeStick Trio x2 - and a Christopher Kimball timer - NO, I do not work for ThermoWorks...I just like their products.

                    Other useful bits...
                    KitchenAid 7-qt Pro Line stand mixer
                    A Black & Decker food processor that I can't seem to murder
                    A couple of immersion blenders, one a "consumer" model & the other a "high end" Italian thing. Yes, the Italian one is a bit better, but only marginally
                    Instant Pot Duo Evo Plus 8-qt + accessories like egg-bite & egg holders
                    All-Clad pots & pans, along with some cast iron...everything from 7" Skookie pans to 8.5qt Dutch ovens
                    Weber GBS griddle, pizza stone, and wok
                    Knives range from Mercer to F. Dick to "You spent how much for one knife? One knife?!" LOL

                  Click image for larger version

Name:	3BA75568-9577-4CE7-84F2-53E732F171CF.jpeg
Views:	129
Size:	32.1 KB
ID:	791320

                  Comment

                  • Neris
                    Club Member
                    • Dec 2018
                    • 188
                    • Dublin, Ireland (europe)

                    I was in the restaurant yesterday when I suddenly realized I desperately needed to fart. The music was really, really loud, so I timed my farts with the beat of the music.

                    After a couple of songs, I started to feel better. I finished my coffee, and noticed that everybody was staring at me... Then I suddenly remembered that I was listening to my iPod.

                    Comment

                    Announcement

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                    Meat-Up in Memphis 2021

                    Join us in Memphis for our Meat-Up! Space is limited to 400, secure your spot by booking early!
                    Click here for details. (https://amazingribs.com/memphis)
                    See more
                    See less
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                    Meat-Up in Memphis

                    T-Shirts & More T-Shirts & More
                    Order men's and women's T-Shirts, Sweatshirts, Aprons, Mugs, Caps, Tote Bags, Flasks, and more, all imprinted with the Pitmaster Club logo. There's even a spiral bound journal where you can make notes on your cooks.

                    Cool Embroidered Shirt Cool Embroidered Shirt
                    This beautifully embroidered shirt is the same one Meathead wears in public and on TV. It's wash and wear and doesn't need ironing (really!), but it is a soft cottonlike feel. Choice of four colors and both men's and women's.

                    Click here for more info.

                    Support ARC

                    Many merchants pay us a small referral fee when you click our links and purchase from them. On Amazon it works on everything from grills to diapers, they never tell us what you bought, and it has zero impact on the price you pay, but has a major impact on our ability to improve this site! And remember, we only recommend products we love. If you like AmazingRibs.com, please save this link and use it every time you go to Amazon.

                    https://tinyurl.com/amazingribs

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                    Spotlight

                    These are not ads or paid placements. These Are Some Of Our Favorite Tools And Toys.

                    These are products we have tested, won our top awards, and are highly recommend. Click here to read how we test, about our medals, and what they mean.

                    Use our links when you buy things

                    Many merchants pay us a small referral fee when you click our links and purchase from them. On Amazon it works on everything from grills to diapers, they never tell us what you bought, it has zero impact on the price you pay, but has a major impact on our ability to improve this site! If you like AmazingRibs.com, please save this link and use it every time you go to Amazon

                    https://tinyurl.com/amazingribs

                     


                    If you have a Weber Kettle, you need the Slow 'N' Sear

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                    The Slow 'N' Sear turns your grill into a first class smoker and also creates an extremely hot sear zone you can use to create steakhouse steaks.

                    Click here for our article on this breakthrough tool


                    The Good-One Is A Superb Grill And A Superb Smoker All In One

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                    The Good-One Open Range is dramatically different from a traditional offset smoker. By placing the heat source behind and under the smokebox instead of off to the side, Open Range produces even temperature from left to right, something almost impossible to achieve with a standard barrel shaped offset.

                    Click here to read our complete review


                    Griddle And Deep Fryer In One

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                    The flat top does the burgers and the fryer does the fries. Use the griddle for bacon, eggs, and home fries. Or pancakes, fajitas, grilled cheese, you name it. Why stink up the house deep frying and spatter all over? Do your fried chicken and calamari outside. Blackstone's Rangetop Combo With Deep Fryer does it all!

                    Click here to read our detailed review and to order


                    The Pit Barrel Cooker May Be Too Easy

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                    The PBC has a rabid cult following for good reason. It is absolutely positively without a doubt the best bargain on a smoker in the world. Period. This baby will cook circles around the cheap offset sideways barrel smokers because temperature control is so much easier.

                    Click here to read our detailed review and the raves from people who own them


                    The Undisputed Champion!

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                    The Thermoworks Thermapen MK4 is considered by the pros, and our team, to be the single best instant read thermometer. The MK4 includes features that are common on high-end instruments: automatic backlight and rotating display. Don't accept cheap substitutes.

                    Click here to read our comprehensive Platinum Medal review


                    Grilla Pellet Smoker proves good things come in small packages

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                    We always liked Grilla. The small 31.5" x 29.5" footprint makes it ideal for use where BBQ space is limited, as on a condo patio.

                    Click here for our review on this unique smoker


                    Delta by Nuke,
                    Stylish and Affordable
                    Gaucho Grill

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                    Delta by Nuke burns wood or charcoal and comes with an adjustable height grill grate. This Argentinian grill will get your flame on!

                    Click here to read our complete review


                    Genesis II E-335 
                    A Versatile Gasser That Does It All!

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                    Weber’s Genesis line has long been one of the most popular choices for gas grillers. The new Genesis II E-335 offers solid performance, a sear burner for sizzling heat and an excellent warranty.

                    Click here to read our complete review


                    GrillGrates Take Gas Grills To The Infrared Zone

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                    GrillGrates(TM) amplify heat, prevent flareups, make flipping foods easier, kill hotspots, flip over to make a fine griddle, and can be easily rmoved from one grill to another. You can even throw wood chips, pellets, or sawdust between the rails and deliver a quick burst of smoke.

                    Click here for more about what makes these grates so special


                    Is This Superb Charcoal Grill A Kamado Killer?

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                    The PK-360, with 360 square inches of cooking space, this rust free, cast aluminum charcoal grill is durable and easy to use. Four-way venting means it's easy to set up for two zone cooking with more control than single vent Kamado grills. It is beautifully designed, completely portable, and much easier to set up for 2-zone cooking than any round kamado.

                    Click here to read our detailed review of the PK 360

                    Click here to order directly and get an exclusive AmazingRibs.com deal


                    Our Favorite Backyard Smoker

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                    The amazing Karubecue is the most innovative smoker in the world. The quality of meat from this machine is astonishing. At its crux is a patented firebox that burns logs above the cooking chamber and sucks heat and extremely clean blue smoke into the thermostat controlled oven. It is our favorite smoker, period.

                    Click here for our review of this superb smoker


                    Masterbuilt MPS 340/G ThermoTemp XL Propane Smoker

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                    This is the first propane smoker with a thermostat, making this baby foolproof. Set ThermoTemp's dial from 175° to 350°F and the thermostat inside will adjust the burner just like an indoor kitchen oven. All you need to do is add wood to the tray above the burner to start smokin'.

                    Click here to read our detailed review


                    Digital Thermometers Are Your Most Valuable Tool And Here's A Great Buy!

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                    A good digital thermometer keeps you from serving dry overcooked food or dangerously undercooked food. They are much faster and much more accurate than dial thermometers. YOU NEED ONE!

                    Click here to read our complete review


                    Track Up To Six Temperatures At Once

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                    FireBoard Drive 2 is an updated version of a well-received product that sets the standard for performance and functionality in the wireless food thermometer/thermostatic controller class.

                    Click here for our review of this unique device


                    The Cool Kettle With The Hinged Hood We Always Wanted

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                    Napoleon's NK22CK-C Charcoal Kettle Grill puts a few spins on the familiar kettle design. In fact, the hinged lid with a handle on the front, spins in a rotary motion 180 degrees. It's hard to beat a Weber kettle, but Napoleon holds its own and adds some unique features to make the NK22CK-C a viable alternative.

                    Click here for more about what makes this grill special


                    Finally, A Great Portable Pellet Smoker

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                    Green Mountain's portable Davy Crockett Pellet Smoker is one mean tailgating and picnic machine. But it's also gaining popularity with people who want to add a small, set it and forget it pellet smoker to their backyard arsenal. And with their WiFi capabilities you can control and monitor Davy Crocket from your smart phone or laptop.

                    Click here to read our detailed review and to order