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    An early Christmas present from my wife.

    I just wish she would stop laughing every time she looks at it...


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    • MBMorgan
      MBMorgan commented
      Editing a comment
      Where’s the “huh” button?

    • JimLinebarger
      JimLinebarger commented
      Editing a comment
      With the moniker that is displayed on this early Christmas present, are you sure she is looking at "it"?

    • surfdog
      surfdog commented
      Editing a comment
      Gonna make a couple of those just as soon as the vinyl cutter warms up and the computer cones to life. LOL

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          Science Tip:
          You can distinguish an
          alligator from a crocodile
          by paying attention to
          whether the animal sees
          you later or in a while

          Comment


          • ComfortablyNumb
            ComfortablyNumb commented
            Editing a comment
            However that won’t happen until it finishes digesting!

          The Circle of Life

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            Arguing with your wife is like reading a Software Licensing Agreement. In the end you ignore everything and click "I agree"

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              Shot my first turkey today!

              Went really well, except for the little old lady in the frozen food section that nearly had a heart attack.


              Q: What did the cannibalistic teddy bear eat for Thanksgiving?

              A: Stuffing!



              Don’t ever attend Thanksgiving with a group of comedians…

              …They’ll never stop roasting the turkey.

              Comment


                Got home yesterday to find all my lamps had been stolen.
                I was delighted.

                Comment


                • ComfortablyNumb
                  ComfortablyNumb commented
                  Editing a comment
                  This note was in my utility bill, "If you pay on time we would be delighted, however if you don't you will be delighted."

                Why did the police investigate when they were called to a house a turkey had broken into?


                They suspected fowl play.

                Comment


                • ofelles
                  ofelles commented
                  Editing a comment
                  I know it's a holiday so you can slide on this one!

                • JimLinebarger
                  JimLinebarger commented
                  Editing a comment
                  I don't know about letting it slide. However, jokes like this bring me up when I am down.

                For raywjohnson :

                99 bugs in the code, 99 bugs in the code. You take one down, patch it around…

                129 bugs in the code.

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                • raywjohnson
                  raywjohnson commented
                  Editing a comment
                  Ha!

                • glitchy
                  glitchy commented
                  Editing a comment
                  If you were a Dilbert junkie, they were just coding themselves a new minivan.

                So a man walks into a bar and orders a whiskey. Just as he takes his first drink a nun walks by. She scowls at him and says, "How can you pollute your soul with that devil's drink "! "This is not the devil's drink it's just whisky."
                "But it is sinful and wicked"
                "How do you know that if you have never tried it?"
                "Of course not. Mother Superior told me so and to never drink it"
                "How does she know if she has never tried it?"
                "WellI suppose I could try it for myself. But could you order it for me in a teacup?
                The man agrees and walks over to the bartender and as for 2 whiskeys, Put one in a teacup he says.
                After hearing the order he looks up and says, "Is that darn nun in here again?

                Comment


                  A family of moles were digging along and the mother mole pops up out of a hole next to a Bob Evans and says, “oh I smell biscuits and gravy”. The daddy mole pops up out of the hole and says, “yum I smell pancakes”. The baby mole behind them says, “all I smell is Molasses! (Mole a$$es)!

                  Comment


                  • RonB
                    RonB commented
                    Editing a comment
                    I remember a variation of this joke from when I was in high school in the mid '60s.

                  • gcdmd
                    gcdmd commented
                    Editing a comment
                    Yeah, Yeah; we got it; we got it.

                  • Mr. Bones
                    Mr. Bones commented
                    Editing a comment
                    Heard this one from my Da, circa mid-60's, as per RonB
                    Still jus as funny...

                  How many narcissists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
                  Only one to hold the bulb while the world revolves around them.

                  Comment


                    My wife and I went to the auction mart at Tralee the other week and one of the first exhibits we stopped at was the breeding bulls. We went up to the first pen and there was a sign attached that said,



                    ‘THIS BULL MATED 50 TIMES LAST YEAR’

                    My wife playfully nudged me in the ribs …smiled and said, ‘He mated 50 times last year, that’s almost once a week.’

                    We walked to the second pen which had a sign attached that said, ”THIS BULL MATED 150 TIMES LAST YEAR’

                    My wife gave me a healthy jab and said, ‘WOW! That’s more than twice a week ! …You could learn a lot from him.’

                    We walked to the third pen and it had a sign attached that said, in capital letters, ‘THIS BULL MATED 365 TIMES LAST YEAR

                    ‘My wife was so excited that her elbow nearly broke my ribs, and said, ‘That’s once a day ..You could REALLY learn something from this one.’

                    I looked at her and said, ‘Go over and ask him if every time was with the same old cow.’

                    My condition has been upgraded from critical to stable.

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