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Jokes!

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      A Cable repairman was on my street today and he asked me what time it was.



      I replied, “It is between 1 and 8 pm.”

      Comment


        I sent my hearing aid in for repairs about 4 weeks ago.
        I've heard nothing since.

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          If you are in cahoots concerning a 3rd party are you cahooting?
          Is the 3rd party a cahootee?
          Does that make you a cahooter?
          Are we all cahooting in search of celestial bbq?

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            Paddy takes two stuffed dogs on to the Antique Roadshow.

            "Ohh," said the presenter,"This is a very rare set,produced by the celebrated Johns Brothers who operated in London at the turn of the 19th century.Do you have any idea what they would fetch if they were in good condition?"

            "Sticks!" Paddy replied.

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              • HawkerXP
                HawkerXP commented
                Editing a comment
                "Live long and perspire"

              • surfdog
                surfdog commented
                Editing a comment
                And the "Derp of the Day Award"™ goes to...

              So a very sweet respectable lady goes to the pharmacy. When it is her turn the pharmacist ask how he could help her. She says" I would like to buy some poison". "Why do you want poison?", the pharmacist responds. "I want to poison my husband" she replies calmly." "I can't sell you poison to kill your husband. They would put both of us in prison for life!"
              So the woman takes out a photo of her husband in bed with the pharmacist wife and shows it to the pharmacist. The pharmacist responds "Well now, that's different you didn't tell me you had a prescription!

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                I asked my granddaughter to get me a newspaper. She laughed and said, "Oh Grandpa, you are so in the past! Here, use my cell phone." I have to admit, it did a great job of killing that spider when I slammed it against the wall.

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                  I recently bought a toilet brush. Long story short, I'm going back to toilet paper.

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                    I was going to go to the gym today, but couldn't find my membership card. A new card costs $10, a donut and coffee cost $3. Guess who saved $7?

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                      I replaced my cat's litter box with a UPS shipping box. Now when it's full I tape it shut and put on my porch for someone to steal.

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                      • glitchy
                        glitchy commented
                        Editing a comment
                        Thank you for these tonight. I’ve had a long stressful day and needed a chuckle before bed.

                      My wife mentioned she really enjoys Beyonce's new hit.
                      I said "Whatever floats your boat"
                      Her reply "No that's buoyancy"

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                        • surfdog
                          surfdog commented
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                          I laughed way too hard at that. LOL

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                        • Steve R.
                          Steve R. commented
                          Editing a comment
                          How did that wet brine work out? lol

                        • ofelles
                          ofelles commented
                          Editing a comment
                          I've seen this before and it is still funny!

                        Obviously the guy in the above post is a piker. This guy gets his pigs to swim and he doesn't get wet!

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                        • klflowers
                          klflowers commented
                          Editing a comment
                          I wonder what I need to do to be able to have that much time on my hands.

                        • ComfortablyNumb
                          ComfortablyNumb commented
                          Editing a comment
                          klflowers He's probably wondering how he can get time to count all his money. Probably charges money for people to be amused by watching, then hits them up at the gift shop and snack bar. Finally gets premium prices for pork to send them home with.

                        • holehogg
                          holehogg commented
                          Editing a comment
                          Belly flop tenderiser

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