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  • Bogy
    Club Member
    • Mar 2016
    • 347
    • North Central Iowa
    • Weber Genesis E-310
      Original Grilla
      Smokey Joe® Charcoal Grill 14"
      Thermoworks Smoke Thermometer with gateway
      2 iGrillminis - from before they were Weber.

    Click image for larger version

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    • pkadare
      Club Member
      • Jun 2019
      • 501
      • Bobcaygeon, Ontario
      • My gear:
        22 Weber Kettle
        Napoleon PRO Charcoal Kettle Grill
        Broil King Keg
        Traeger Pro 34
        Napoleon Prestige Pro 500
        Pit Barrel Cooker

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      • pkadare
        Club Member
        • Jun 2019
        • 501
        • Bobcaygeon, Ontario
        • My gear:
          22 Weber Kettle
          Napoleon PRO Charcoal Kettle Grill
          Broil King Keg
          Traeger Pro 34
          Napoleon Prestige Pro 500
          Pit Barrel Cooker

        The new Priest was so nervous at his first mass that he could hardly speak. Before the second week in the pulpit he asked the bishop how he could relax. The Bishop said, "Next week, put some vodka in the water pitcher. After a few sips, everything should run smoothly."

        The next Sunday, the new priest put the suggestion into practice and was able to talk up a storm and felt just great. Upon returning to the rectory, however, he found a note from the Bishop...
        1. Next time sip, rather than gulp.
        2. There are 10 Commandments, not 12.
        3. There are 12 Disciples, not 10.
        4. David slew Goliath, he didn't kick the shit out of him.
        5. We do not refer to Jesus Christ and his Apostles as "J.C. and the boys."
        6. Next week there is a taffy pulling contest at St. Peters, not a Peter pulling contest at St. Taffy.
        7. We do not refer to the cross as "The Big T."
        8. We do not refer to the Father, Son and the Holy Ghost as "Big Daddy, Junior and the Spook."
        9. The recommended way of saying grace is not Rub-a-dub-dub, thanks for the grub, Yea God!"
        10. And last but not least, it is the "Virgin Mary," not "Mary with the cherry."

        Comment


        • Bighorn Dave
          Bighorn Dave commented
          Editing a comment
          Now that is hilarious. Thanks for the laugh.

        • pkadare
          pkadare commented
          Editing a comment
          Bighorn Dave - One of my all time favourites that I can tell in mixed company. :-)
      • ComfortablyNumb
        Club Member
        • May 2017
        • 2762
        • Northeast Washington
        • KBQ C-60
          PK360
          Thermoworks Smoke
          Thermoworks Thermopop
          Thermoworks Dot

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        • ComfortablyNumb
          ComfortablyNumb commented
          Editing a comment
          HawkerXP Mine qualifies as a chicken sedan, one man door and three chicken doors.

        • HawkerXP
          HawkerXP commented
          Editing a comment
          Wouldn't that be a hatch back?

        • ComfortablyNumb
          ComfortablyNumb commented
          Editing a comment
          HawkerXP No, the hatchback would be the 10 hole nesting box located on the back wall.... ;-)
      • Bogy
        Club Member
        • Mar 2016
        • 347
        • North Central Iowa
        • Weber Genesis E-310
          Original Grilla
          Smokey Joe® Charcoal Grill 14"
          Thermoworks Smoke Thermometer with gateway
          2 iGrillminis - from before they were Weber.

        The only way I would get this for my wife is if I had a really bad day and wanted to die.

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        • fracmeister
          Founding Member
          • Jul 2014
          • 1033
          • Sprang, TX
          • Dances with lemmings

            (and smokes on a Yoder 640, raises bees and shoots a .408 WIndrunner) "come la notte i furti miei seconda"

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          • Thunder77
            Thunder77 commented
            Editing a comment
            😂😂😂

          • Huskee
            Huskee commented
            Editing a comment
            She should've asked Toto to write a song about Roseanna or Africa.
        • THE Humble Texan
          Club Member
          • Oct 2017
          • 148

          A young preacher's first church was in a very poor small town and the budget was very small. The building was in need of some update and a new exterior paint job. After finding a way to buy what he thought was enough paint for the outside the preacher set out to paint it himself.
          The day started out nice but as the day progress the weather began to build and speed seemed important as it looked like it could rain. Soon it became apparent that he was not going to have enough paint to complete the job so he started adding water to stretch the paint. The further he went the darker the clouds and the thinner the paint.
          As he was almost finished with the last side it began to sprinkle and by the time he finished there was a frog strangler coming down. As the preacher looked up at the wall he had just finished the paint was washing off and the thunder began to roll. As the rain got harder and the thunder louder and the wall became bare the preacher looked up with a questioning look on his face. In a loud roll of thunder the preacher heard a voice....REPAINT!! REPAINT!! AND THIN NO MORE!!

          Comment


          • gcdmd
            gcdmd commented
            Editing a comment
            Sometimes I think that the worse they are, the more likes they get.

          • jecucolo
            jecucolo commented
            Editing a comment
            That good!

          • Bogy
            Bogy commented
            Editing a comment
            Oldie but Goodie. Not many church/preacher jokes I haven't heard, or told!
        • pkadare
          Club Member
          • Jun 2019
          • 501
          • Bobcaygeon, Ontario
          • My gear:
            22 Weber Kettle
            Napoleon PRO Charcoal Kettle Grill
            Broil King Keg
            Traeger Pro 34
            Napoleon Prestige Pro 500
            Pit Barrel Cooker

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          • jecucolo
            Club Member
            • Nov 2015
            • 1212
            • Schertz Texas
            • Pit Barrel Cooker
              Slow 'n Sear for 22" Kettle
              Weber 22" Kettle (Craiglist)
              Slow 'n Sear for 22" Kettle
              Weber Rapid Fire Chimney
              Maverick ET-732
              Kingsford Original Charcoal
              Kingsford Competition Charcoal
              Anova Sous Vide



            This piece of alleged history explains that in the olden days of sailing ships, cannon balls were stacked on the decks on brass plates called “monkeys.” The plates had indentions in them that held the balls on the bottoms of the stacks. Brass, however, expands and contracts with the temperature and if it got cold enough, the cannon balls could fall…giving real foundation to the phrase “cold enough to freeze the balls off a brass monkey!”

            Just in case you wanted know?
            Last edited by jecucolo; November 12th, 2019, 05:07 AM.

            Comment


            • jecucolo
              jecucolo commented
              Editing a comment
              I think you will have to asked the well digger about the witch!

            • Thunder77
              Thunder77 commented
              Editing a comment
              It's actually the difference in the rate of contraction/expansion between the bras and the cannonballs.
              :-) Okay, I'll see myself out...

            • Mr. Bones
              Mr. Bones commented
              Editing a comment
              Knew.
              Actually was gonna post what I knew, but already covered by Thunder77
          • Thunder77
            Founding Member
            • Jul 2014
            • 2605
            • Halethorpe, MD
            • Weber 22.5" Kettle with SnS Brinkmann 5 burner gasser. Akorn Kamado, and Akorn Jr kamado. Love grilling steaks, ribs, and chicken. Need to master smoked salmon Favorite cool weather beer: Sam Adams Octoberfest Favorite warm weather beer: Yuengling Traditional Lager All-time favorite drink: Single Malt Scotch

            Well here is another bad one that I won't apologize for...
            Attached Files

            Comment

            • holehogg
              Club Member
              • Nov 2017
              • 1620
              • Port Elizabeth, South Africa

              What do you call a horse with a blindfold?

              This hurts




              Mascarpone

              Comment


              • Thunder77
                Thunder77 commented
                Editing a comment
                Grooooooan! This is a Spinaker joke if I ever saw one!

              • Spinaker
                Spinaker commented
                Editing a comment
                Genius, Genius, Genius!

              • gcdmd
                gcdmd commented
                Editing a comment
                It took a twisted mind to come up with that one.

                I hope everyone realizes that I don't make comments like this unless I have liked the joke they refer to.
            • Steve R.
              Club Member
              • Jul 2016
              • 1902
              • Elizabethtown, KY
              • Current line-up of cookers: Weber 22.5" Original Premium kettle w/ SnS and BBQ Guru adapter; Old Country Over and Under smoker; PBC; Weber Ranch Kettle w/ Guru adapter.

              As a senior citizen was driving down the freeway, his phone rang. Answering, he heard his wife's voice urgently warning him, "Herman, I just heard on the news that there's a car going the wrong way on 280. Please be careful!"

              "Hell," said Herman, "It's even worse than that. It's not just one car. It's hundreds of them!"
              Last edited by Steve R.; November 13th, 2019, 09:07 AM.

              Comment

              • Bogy
                Club Member
                • Mar 2016
                • 347
                • North Central Iowa
                • Weber Genesis E-310
                  Original Grilla
                  Smokey Joe® Charcoal Grill 14"
                  Thermoworks Smoke Thermometer with gateway
                  2 iGrillminis - from before they were Weber.

                I have not told an Ole joke on here for a while. I may have told this before, if so, I apologize, but i looked back further than I think I first heard it, and don't see it listed on my posts, so here goes. In honor of hunting season.

                Ole’s out duck hunting, when a loon flies over. Ole shoots, Bang, Bang, Bang, and the loon keeps on flying. A few minutes later a game warden comes out of the brush, and says to Ole, “Do you have a hunting license?”
                “Ya, sure I do!” says Ole.
                “Is there a duck stamp attached to that license?” asks the game warden.
                “Ya, dere is!” says Ole.
                “Well, let me remind you that we are in the great state of Minnesota, and the loon is the official bird of the great state of Minnesota, and had you shot that loon just now you would be in a lot of trouble. I would have not only given you a very expensive ticket, I would have confiscated your gun and your pickup truck, and you might also have been looking at some jail time. You just remember that the next time a loon flies over you,” the game warden says.
                “Yes sir, I vill remember dat!” says Ole.
                The game warden leaves, but comes back just a few minutes later. He says to Ole, “Look, I have a question to ask you, and you can answer without any fear of penalty, because I will not have witnessed anything, or have any evidence, but I’ve been a citizen of Minnesota for over 40 years, and I’ve been a game warden for over 20 years, and in all that time I have never shot a loon, so I gotta ask you, have you ever shot a loon?”
                “Ya,” says Ole, “I have shot a loon.”
                “Did you eat that loon?” the warden asks.
                “Ya,” says Ole, “I have eaten a loon.”
                “Well, what does a loon taste like?” asks the warden.
                “Vell, a loon is kinda tough and gamey. I tink the best I can describe it is dat it’s kind uv a cross between a whooping crane and a bald eagle.”

                Comment


                • Thunder77
                  Thunder77 commented
                  Editing a comment
                  Took me a minute

                • Mr. Bones
                  Mr. Bones commented
                  Editing a comment
                  Mebbe even a trace of Spotted Owl in there, if ya close yer eyes, an focus...
              • Bogy
                Club Member
                • Mar 2016
                • 347
                • North Central Iowa
                • Weber Genesis E-310
                  Original Grilla
                  Smokey Joe® Charcoal Grill 14"
                  Thermoworks Smoke Thermometer with gateway
                  2 iGrillminis - from before they were Weber.

                Here's another, that might already be here.

                Both Ole and Sven wanted some money, so they went to the bank for a loan. Sven went in first. "I want $10,000!"

                "What do you do for a living?" asked the manager.

                "I'm a pilot!" said Sven.

                "Well, that is a good profession!" said the manager, so he gave him the money.

                Then Ole went in and said, "I want $10,000 too!"

                "Well, what do you do for a living?" asked the manager.

                "I'm a lumberjack," he replied.

                "Well, I can't give a lumberjack that kind of money," said the manager.

                "Well, what's the deal with that, if I don't cut the wood, Sven can't pile it."

                Comment


                • THE Humble Texan
                  THE Humble Texan commented
                  Editing a comment
                  With so many pages of jokes who cares if a few GOOD ones get printed again. KEEP EM COMIN!!!
              • Bogy
                Club Member
                • Mar 2016
                • 347
                • North Central Iowa
                • Weber Genesis E-310
                  Original Grilla
                  Smokey Joe® Charcoal Grill 14"
                  Thermoworks Smoke Thermometer with gateway
                  2 iGrillminis - from before they were Weber.

                Can't have all these stories with just Ole. Here's one with Lena:

                Ole and Lena were ice fishing one day and Ole ran out of snoose. He told Lena she'd have to go across the lake and get some from Sven’s General Store.

                After she left Ole called Sven on his cell phone and explained that Lena was coming after snoose for him, but he'd have to charge it because he didn't send any money with her.

                When Lars asked why not, Ole explained, "I didn't know how thick the ice was."

                Comment


                • gcdmd
                  gcdmd commented
                  Editing a comment
                  I don't think I'll be telling my wife (a blue-eyed blonde with probably a healthy dose of northern European DNA) that one.

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              Meat-Up in Memphis 2020

              Join us in Memphis for our Meat-Up! Space is limited to 400, secure your spot by booking early! Click here for details. (https://amazingribs.com/memphis2020)
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              Meat-Up in Memphis

              T-Shirts & More T-Shirts & More
              Order men's and women's T-Shirts, Sweatshirts, Aprons, Mugs, Caps, Tote Bags, Flasks, and more, all imprinted with the Pitmaster Club logo. There's even a spiral bound journal where you can make notes on your cooks.

              Cool Embroidered Shirt Cool Embroidered Shirt
              This beautifully embroidered shirt is the same one Meathead wears in public and on TV. It's wash and wear and doesn't need ironing (really!), but it is a soft cottonlike feel. Choice of four colors and both men's and women's.

              Click here for more info.

              Support ARC

              Many merchants pay us a small referral fee when you click our links and purchase from them. On Amazon it works on everything from grills to diapers, they never tell us what you bought, and it has zero impact on the price you pay, but has a major impact on our ability to improve this site! And remember, we only recommend products we love. If you like AmazingRibs.com, please save this link and use it every time you go to Amazon.

              https://tinyurl.com/amazingribs

              BBQ Stars

              Spotlight

              These are not ads or paid placements. These Are Some Of Our Favorite Tools And Toys.

              These are products we have tested, won our top awards, and are highly recommend. Click here to read how we test, about our medals, and what they mean.

              Use our links when you buy things

              Many merchants pay us a small referral fee when you click our links and purchase from them. On Amazon it works on everything from grills to diapers, they never tell us what you bought, it has zero impact on the price you pay, but has a major impact on our ability to improve this site! If you like AmazingRibs.com, please save this link and use it every time you go to Amazon

              https://tinyurl.com/amazingribs

               


              Placeholder

              Surely you know somebody who loves outdoor cooking who deserves a gift for the holidays, birthday, anniversary, or just for being wonderful. There he is, right in the mirror! Here are our selections of best ideas, all Platinum or Gold Medalists, listed by price.

              Click here to see our list of Gold Medal Gifts


              Digital Thermometers Are Your Most Valuable Tool And Here's A Great Buy!

              maverick PT55 thermometer

              A good digital thermometer keeps you from serving dry overcooked food or dangerously undercooked food. They are much faster and much more accurate than dial thermometers. YOU NEED ONE!

              Click here for more info on the Maverick PT-55 Waterproof Instant-Read Thermometer Review shown above. It may be the best value in a thermometer out there


              If you have a Weber Kettle, you need the Slow 'N' Sear

              slow n sear

              The Slow 'N' Sear turns your grill into a first class smoker and also creates an extremely hot sear zone you can use to create steakhouse steaks.

              Click here for our article on this breakthrough tool


              Bring The Heat With Broil King Signet's Dual Tube Burners

              the good one grill

              The Broil King Signet 320 is a modestly priced, 3-burner gas grill that packs a lot of value and power under the hood. Broil King's proprietary, dual-tube burners get hot fast and are able to achieve high, searing temps that rival most comparatively priced gas grills. The quality cast aluminum housing carries a Limited Lifetime Warranty.

              Click here to read our complete review


              The Good-One Is A Superb Grill And A Superb Smoker All In One

              the good one grill

              The Good-One Open Range is a charcoal grill with an offset smoke chamber attached. It is dramatically different from a traditional offset smoker. The grill sits low in front and doubles as a firebox for the smoke chamber which is spliced on above and behind so it can work like a horizontal offset smoker only better. By placing the heat source behind and under the smokebox instead of off to the side, Open Range produces even temperature from left to right, something almost impossible to achieve with a standard barrel shaped offset.

              Click here to read our complete review


              Pit Barrel Cooker Smoker

              Griddle And Deep Fryer All In One

              The flat top does the burgers and the fryer does the fries. Use the griddle for bacon, eggs, and home fries. Or pancakes, fajitas, grilled cheese, you name it. Why stink up the house deep frying and spatter all over? Do your fried chicken and calamari outside. Blackstone's Rangetop Combo With Deep Fryer does it all. Plus it has a built in cutting board, garbage bag holder, and paper towel holder. An additional work table on the left side provides plenty of counter space.

              Click here to read our detailed review and to order


              Pit Barrel Cooker Smoker

              The Pit Barrel Cooker May Be Too Easy

              The PBC has a rabid cult following for good reason. It is absolutely positively without a doubt the best bargain on a smoker in the world. Period. This baby will cook circles around the cheap offset sideways barrel smokers in the hardware stores because temperature control is so much easier. Best of all, it is only $299 delivered to your door!

              Click here to read our detailed review and the raves from people who own them


              The Undisputed Champion!

              thermapen

              The Thermoworks Thermapen MK4 is considered by the pros, and our team, to be the single best instant read thermometer. Don't accept cheap substitutes.  Click here to read our test results and comprehensive review and why it won our Platinum Medal .


              Compact Powerful Sear Machine For Your Next Tailgater

              Placeholder

              Char-Broil's Grill2Go x200 is a super-portable, fun little sizzler made of heavy, rust-proof cast aluminum. The lid snaps shut. Grab the handle and you're off to the party! Char-Broil's TRU-Infrared design produces searing heat while reducing fuel consumption. A 16 ounce LP gas canister is enough to keep you flipping burgers for hours.

              Click here to read our detailed review and to order


              The Cool Kettle With The Hinged Hood We Always Wanted

              NK-22-Ck Grill

              Their NK22CK-C Charcoal Kettle Grill puts a few spins on the familiar kettle design. In fact, the hinged lid with a handle on the front, spins in a rotary motion 180 degrees. It's hard to beat a Weber kettle, but Napoleon holds its own and adds some unique features to make the NK22CK-C a viable alternative.

              Click here for more about what makes this grill special


              Placeholder

              G&F Suede Welder's Gloves

              Heat Resistant Gloves With Extra Long Sleeves Hold The Hot Stuff

              If you're using oven mitts at the grill, it's time to trade up. Say hello to these suede welder's gloves. They're heat resistant enough to handle hot grill grates, and flexible enough to handle tongs. The extra long sleeves even let you reach deep into the firebox to move hot logs without getting burned. Our Fave.

              Click here to read our detailed review

              Click here to order from Amazon


              GrillGrates Take Gas Grills To The Infrared Zone

              grill grates

              GrillGrates(TM) amplify heat, prevent flareups, make flipping foods easier, keep small foods from committing suicide, kill hotspots, are easier to clean, flip over to make a fine griddle, and can be easily removed and moved from one grill to another. You can even throw wood chips, pellets, or sawdust between the rails and deliver a quick burst of smoke to whatever is above. Every gas grill needs them.

              Click here for more about what makes these grates so special


              kareubequ bbq smoker

              Our Favorite Backyard Smoker

              The amazing Karubecue is the most innovative smoker in the world. The quality of meat from this machine is astonishing. At its crux is a patented firebox that burns logs above the cooking chamber and sucks heat and extremely clean blue smoke into the thermostat controlled oven. It is our favorite smoker, period.

              Click here for our review of this superb smoker


              Masterbuilt MPS 340/G ThermoTemp XL Propane Smoker

              masterbuilt gas smoker

              The First Propane Smoker With A Thermostat Makes This Baby Foolproof

              Set ThermoTemp's dial from 175° to 350°F and the thermostat inside will adjust the burner just like an indoor kitchen oven. All you need to do is add wood to the tray above the burner to start smokin'.

              Click here to read our detailed review


              Professional Steakhouse Knife Set

              masterbuilt gas smoker

              Our founder, Meathead, wanted the same steak knives used by steakhouses such as Peter Luger, Smith & Wollensky, Morton's, Kobe Club, Palm, and many others. So he located the manufacturer and had them stamp our name on some. They boast pointed, temper-ground, serrated, high-carbon stainless-steel, half-tang blades with excellent cutting edge ability. The beefy hardwood handle provides a comfortable grip secured by three hefty rivets. He has machine washed his more than 100 times. They have never rusted and they stay shiny without polishing. Please note that we do not make, sell, or distribute these knives, they just engrave them with our name.

              Click here to read our detailed review and to order


              PK 360 grill

              Is This Superb Charcoal Grill A Kamado Killer?

              The PK-360, with 360 square inches of cooking space, this rust free, cast aluminum charcoal grill is durable and easy to use. Four-way venting means it's easy to set up for two zone cooking with more control than single vent Kamado grills. It is much easier to set up for 2-zone cooking than any round kamado. Beautifully designed and completely portable. Meathead says it is his preferrred grill.

              Click here to read our detailed review of the PK 360

              Click here to order it direct from PK and get a special deal for AmazingRibs.com readers only


              Fireboard: The Ultimate Top Of The Line BBQ Thermometer

              fireboard bbq thermometer

              With the ability to monitor up to six temperatures simultaneously with either Bluetooth or Wifi on your mobile phone, tablet, or computer, Fireboard is the best digital thermometer we’ve tested.

              Click here to read our detailed review


              Finally, A Great Portable Pellet Smoker

              Green Mountain Davey Crockett Grill

              Green Mountain's portable Davy Crockett Pellet Smoker is one mean tailgating and picnic machine. But it's also gaining popularity with people who want to add a small, set it and forget it pellet smoker to their backyard arsenal. And with their WiFi capabilities you can control and monitor Davy Crocket from your smart phone or laptop.

              Click here to read our detailed review and to order