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Jokes!

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    A man and a woman meet in heaven and fall in love. They walk up to God and ask to be married.

    God says give me some time and I’ll get back to you. Three or four years pass and God finally tells the man and woman that he can have them married.

    A few more years pass and the man and woman fall out of love. They approach God once more and this time they ask for a divorce.

    God responds “It took me four years to find a priest in this place. How long do you think it’ll take me to find a lawyer?!”

    Comment


    • Mr. Bones
      Mr. Bones commented
      Editing a comment
      ROFLMMFAO ~!~!~!~!

    • Thunder77
      Thunder77 commented
      Editing a comment
      Lololol!

    Here's one from Bob Dylan who's reportedly is a big fan of "dumb" jokes. I heard it on the radio show he DJ's "Theme Time Radio Hour with Bob Dylan". This one from a show with the theme "doctors". Think of Bob's voice as you read...

    "I always wanted to be a doctor. I don't know of any other occupation where you can tell a lady to take off her clothes and send the bill to her husband."

    Comment


    • radshop
      radshop commented
      Editing a comment
      I remember that show - Dylan's knowledge of musicology is hard to fathom. Don't remember hearing this joke, though. Good one.

    There is a place for all God's creatures.... right next to French fries.

    Comment


    • Bighorn Dave
      Bighorn Dave commented
      Editing a comment
      OR, next to the potatoes and gravy.

    Click image for larger version

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      Summa my favourite soup!
      Don't git th Store Brand, yall...

      Comment


        A lot of conflict in the Wild West could have been avoided completely if…



        …cowboy city planners had just made their towns big enough for everyone.

        Comment


        • Thunder77
          Thunder77 commented
          Editing a comment
          🤣😬

        Guys, I need your help!
        I’m in the middle of an
        argument with my wife
        and she told me I’m right.

        What the hell do I do next?

        Comment


        • holehogg
          holehogg commented
          Editing a comment
          Check the levels of your liqueur bottles.

        • RonB
          RonB commented
          Editing a comment
          Do you happen to live in Stepford?

          https://www.google.com/search?sxsrf=...63.sLb_1Eqa6I8

        • radshop
          radshop commented
          Editing a comment
          Go on a trip - business, hunting, fishing, whatever it takes to get a safe distance from this obvious trap.

        my evenin' laugh...
        Attached Files

        Comment


        • Thunder77
          Thunder77 commented
          Editing a comment
          🤪🤪🤣🤣

        There are two reasons I don’t give money to the homeless!
        1. They use it for drugs and alcohol!
        2. I need it for drugs and alcohol!!

        Comment


          Arnie Tex droppin’ bombs 😀😀

          Click image for larger version

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            While shopping in a food store, two nuns happened to pass by the beer, wine, and liquor section. One asked the other if she would like a beer.

            The second nun answered that, indeed, it would be very nice to have one, but that she would feel uncomfortable purchasing it.

            The first nun replied that she would handle it without a problem. She picked up a six-pack and took it to the cashier. The cashier was surprised, so the nun said, "This is for washing our hair."

            Without blinking an eye, the cashier reached under the counter and put a package of pretzel sticks in the bag with the beer.

            "The curlers are on me."

            Comment


              So this isn't really a joke as it happened to me today, but I thought this was an appropriate place to post it.

              Me: This will be just a tiny fart, no way anyone on the meeting call will be able to hear it.

              My ass:
              Click image for larger version  Name:	trumpetfart.jpg Views:	7 Size:	87.6 KB ID:	754685
              Last edited by pkadare; October 11, 2019, 06:38 PM.

              Comment


              • gcdmd
                gcdmd commented
                Editing a comment
                When I used to go skiing with my kids I would blame it on snow frogs.

              • pkadare
                pkadare commented
                Editing a comment
                I see that your voice is a little deeper but that your breath is still the same.

              • Bogy
                Bogy commented
                Editing a comment
                Ole and Lena are in church, and Lena leans over and whispers to Ole, "I just let out a long, silent fart, what should I do?" Ole says, "Check the batteries in your hearing aids."

              For those who have worked in, or dealt with an IT department. Click image for larger version

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              • JimLinebarger
                JimLinebarger commented
                Editing a comment
                The issue doesn't exist without a ticket. The first movie had been out for a few years when I was at Intel, but none of us thought about that. Would have been fun if we had.

              Another failed business, seen in Brooklyn yesterday
              Attached Files

              Comment


              Boss: We're going to start doing random drug testing.
              Me: Okay, but I won't try meth.

              Comment

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