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    Stolen from FB...

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      A six year old boy goes to work with his father on a bring your kid to work day.

      After about 30 minutes of arriving the kid starts crying loudly, the whole office gathers around.

      The father asks his kid “what’s the matter son?”

      The kid replies “where are all the clowns that you say you work with?”

      Comment


      • Henrik
        Henrik commented
        Editing a comment
        Ha ha ha!

      (cleaned up to protect the innocent)

      A single mother with two boy that cussed real bad asked her preacher for some help as she did not know what to do.
      The preacher asked if she ever whacked them for bad behavior? No, says the mom, I have never.
      Preacher advises her to try it a little and see if that gets their attention.
      The next morning mom asks the older boy what he wanted for breakfast and he answered pancakes.
      Mom explained he could have have oatmeal or Wheaties and he said he guessed he'd have "#&*^# Wheaties."
      Mom promptly reached over and whacked him a good one.
      As the older son started on his Wheaties she asked the younger son what he would have. He replied "you can bet your #*!*^# rear I'm not having any Wheaties!!"

      Comment


      • gcdmd
        gcdmd commented
        Editing a comment
        One of my all time favorites, especially since I raised two boys as a single parent.

      A man wakes up on the 7th of July at 7 o’clock. When he wakes up, he checks his phone and sees that he has 7 missed calls and 7 messages from 7 different persons. He finds the coincidence pretty funny, gets out of bed with a big smile and gets in his car.

      Before starting the engine, he checks on his phone the location of his meeting, when he notices that he has to go to the 7th floor of a building located in 7 Ann Street 7 minutes away from is home. He thinks that this is probably the biggest coincidence he has ever seen in his life and laughs for a few seconds.

      After that, he wants to check how much money he has left, so he starts counting how much there is in his wallet. And to his surprise, he notices that he has exactly 777 dollars in bills. He thinks that this is much more than a mere coincidence, and that today is his lucky day. So instead of going to work, he decides to drive to the nearest sports bar to bet on a horse.

      He waits for the 7th race of the day then bets all of his money on the horse N°7.


      The horse came in seventh place.
      Last edited by RonB; September 21, 2019, 08:42 AM.

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      • RonB
        RonB commented
        Editing a comment
        Aaaand right now there are 7 likes...

      • ComfortablyNumb
        ComfortablyNumb commented
        Editing a comment
        I'd give it a like, but well, that would spoil it, now wouldn't it? ;-)

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        Before my surgery, my anesthetist offered to knock me out with gas or a boat paddle.


        It was an ether/oar situation.

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        • Thunder77
          Thunder77 commented
          Editing a comment
          groooooan!

        Heard some said news today, Larry LaPrise, the man that wrote "The Hokey Pokey" died peacefully at the age of 93. The most traumatic part, for his family, was getting him into the coffin. They put his left leg in. And then the trouble started.

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        • Texas Larry
          Texas Larry commented
          Editing a comment
          And, sadly, I laughed out loud at this! 😝 So did my daughter, the hokey pokey queen🤣.

        I’m looking to sell my Delorean. Good shape, low mileage…

        Only driven from time to time.

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          "I have a friend who has a trophy wife. Apparently, it wasn't for first place." - Stephen Wright

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            Gave my wife a ring for her birthday. She didn't answer so I left a message.

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              I told my wife to embrace her mistakes...so she hugged me

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                Curse the English language... My wife gave me a black eye simply for writing her some heartfelt poetry. How you ask? Well, she wanted me to recite her some poetry, but not just memorizing others' poems, she wanted me to write my own poetry and recite it to her to make her feel special for our anniversary. Inspired by "When I look at you, time stands still" ...I changed it to "Your face could stop a clock."

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                  During the days not smoking
                  Attached Files

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                    As seen on Jay Leno's Tonight show--clip available on YouTube:

                    Jay's guest was a spry, neatly dressed elderly lady who was celebrating her 100th birthday by visiting LA.

                    Jay asked her what she'd done today. "I put on a nice hat, one of my best dresses, and I went to Disneyland."

                    "Did you have a good time?"

                    "I did, but it was a very windy day. The wind was a-blowin' and every time I held on to my hat the wind would blow my dress up and all over the place. At one point a man yelled, "Lady you'd better hold down your skirt; you're showing everything you got."

                    I said "Everything down there is 100 years old, and this is a brand new hat!"

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                    What's Green, Turns red, goes back and forth and screams?

                    Comment


                    • Mr. Bones
                      Mr. Bones commented
                      Editing a comment
                      Um, mebbe a Blonde, at a stoplight???

                    • Cheef
                      Cheef commented
                      Editing a comment
                      My son told me that one YEARS ago. Brought it home from the second grade. It actually kind of shocked me when he told me the answer--but it was a gentler time back then.

                      KERMIT the Frog in a meat slicer is the answer.

                    • gcdmd
                      gcdmd commented
                      Editing a comment
                      https://joecartoon.com/watch/k1bbbc

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