Welcome!


This is a membership forum. As a guest, you can click around a bit. View 5 pages for free. If you would like to participate, please join.

[ Pitmaster Club Information | Join Now | Login | Contact Us ]

There are 4 page views remaining.

Announcement

Collapse

2021 Meat-Up In Memphis Canceled - Rescheduled for March 2022

We've unfortunately had to cancel the 2021 Meat-Up in Memphis. We are rescheduling for March 18-20, 2022. More details and re-booking info coming soon! For now click here for more info.
See more
See less

Jokes!

Collapse
X
 
  • Filter
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts
  • ofelles
    Club Member
    • Jun 2018
    • 2576
    • Brentwood CA


    Soooo I just got stopped by the the Brentwood police Dept. I already knew why he got me (speeding, as expected, hahaha) but of course I was going to ask him why he stopped me. I've gotten a few speeding tickets before so I decided to test my luck and humor.
    About a week ago, I purchased some fart spray on Amazon to prank my friends. The bottle says to squirt about 2 sprays. Well as the Officer walks toward my car, I nervously sprayed about 5 squirts! Oops! He gets to my window and asks me to get out. I said I can’t! He immediately stops in his tracks and he says, “Good Lord ...what’s that?” I said, “I’ve got a situation sir!”
    The look on his face was priceless. I said, “Sir my stomach hurts and I’m trying get home because I....” (he is at my window and I didn't even finish my sentence) He grabs his face, backs up and says... “Oh my!! I think you need an ambulance.” I screamed “NO!!!!” (of course trying not to laugh...he looked worried and sick 🤣)
    Officer: “BE CAREFUL AND TRY NOT TO SPEED BUT I UNDERSTAND ITS AWFUL. HOLD ON....I’LL ESCORT YOU!” AND YA’LL, HE FOLLOWED ME HOME!!!!
    I didn't expect it to go this way but the Officer waited until I got out of the car (he stayed in his) so I had to waddle all the way to my door with my butt cheeks clinched and limpin’ like I was hurtin’! No ticket written!

    Comment


    • ofelles
      ofelles commented
      Editing a comment
      Huskee My daughter caught me on this one. I thought she pulled this off. She's as sick as her dad. But it's a joke. Jjust change the name of the jurisdiction and it's yours
      Last edited by ofelles; September 7, 2019, 12:51 AM.

    • pkadare
      pkadare commented
      Editing a comment
      ComfortablyNumb - I a link to the best Amazon comment ever but it is a bit rude so I don't want to post it here. If anyone wants the link, send me a PM and I'll oblige. :-)

    • Thunder77
      Thunder77 commented
      Editing a comment
      You sir, are a very sick man.... 🤣🤣🤣
  • RichieB
    Club Member
    • Apr 2018
    • 1769
    • Western Mass

    From New Yorker Magazine We all know there is no such thing as the last BBQ.


    Click image for larger version

Name:	A%2323324-dailycartoon.jpg
Views:	139
Size:	523.6 KB
ID:	740269

    Comment

    • pkadare
      Club Member
      • Jun 2019
      • 955
      • Bobcaygeon, Ontario
      • My gear:
        22 Weber Kettle
        Napoleon PRO Charcoal Kettle Grill
        Broil King Keg
        Traeger Pro 34
        Napoleon Prestige Pro 500
        Pit Barrel Cooker
        Blackstone Range Combo Griddle

      Click image for larger version

Name:	opera.png
Views:	133
Size:	298.9 KB
ID:	740335

      Comment


      • RichieB
        RichieB commented
        Editing a comment
        As I sit here listening to The 3 Tenors.

      • Mr. Bones
        Mr. Bones commented
        Editing a comment
        "Kill th Wabbit..."

      • Thunder77
        Thunder77 commented
        Editing a comment
        Priceless!!
    • pkadare
      Club Member
      • Jun 2019
      • 955
      • Bobcaygeon, Ontario
      • My gear:
        22 Weber Kettle
        Napoleon PRO Charcoal Kettle Grill
        Broil King Keg
        Traeger Pro 34
        Napoleon Prestige Pro 500
        Pit Barrel Cooker
        Blackstone Range Combo Griddle

      Pete and John hit a bar and John gets totally hammered and proceeds to throw up on himself. John slurs to Pete, "My wife is going to kill me for puking on myself". Pete says to John, "Put $10 in your pocket and tell your wife that I puked on you and gave you $10 for dry cleaning". John agrees that is a great idea.

      John gets home and sure enough his wife starts yelling at him for puking on himself. John hands her the money from his pocket and says, "Pete threw up on me but he gave me $10 for the dry cleaning". John's wife says, "Then why did you give me two $10 bills"? John say, "Oh yeah, he also shit in my pants"!

      Comment


      • CaptainMike
        CaptainMike commented
        Editing a comment
        Hahahahaha!!!!
    • pkadare
      Club Member
      • Jun 2019
      • 955
      • Bobcaygeon, Ontario
      • My gear:
        22 Weber Kettle
        Napoleon PRO Charcoal Kettle Grill
        Broil King Keg
        Traeger Pro 34
        Napoleon Prestige Pro 500
        Pit Barrel Cooker
        Blackstone Range Combo Griddle

      Click image for larger version

Name:	beyondsalad.jpg
Views:	119
Size:	81.2 KB
ID:	740391

      Comment


      • Mr. Bones
        Mr. Bones commented
        Editing a comment
        Very Much likin this one, amigo!
    • pkadare
      Club Member
      • Jun 2019
      • 955
      • Bobcaygeon, Ontario
      • My gear:
        22 Weber Kettle
        Napoleon PRO Charcoal Kettle Grill
        Broil King Keg
        Traeger Pro 34
        Napoleon Prestige Pro 500
        Pit Barrel Cooker
        Blackstone Range Combo Griddle

      Click image for larger version

Name:	canadianborg.jpg
Views:	131
Size:	80.7 KB
ID:	740498Click image for larger version

Name:	canadianmeasurements.jpg
Views:	197
Size:	46.6 KB
ID:	740499

      Comment


      • ComfortablyNumb
        ComfortablyNumb commented
        Editing a comment
        Huskee is going to have to move this one from the 'Jokes' thread to the 'Facts' thread.
    • gcdmd
      Charter Member
      • Sep 2014
      • 1121
      • The Republic of Texas


      Click image for larger version

Name:	dog chase its tail.jpg
Views:	131
Size:	50.2 KB
ID:	741141

      Comment

      • RonB
        Club Member
        • Apr 2016
        • 13527
        • Near Richmond VA
        • Weber Performer Deluxe
          SNS
          Pizza insert
          Rotisserie
          Smokenator 1000
          Cookshack Smokette Elite
          2 Thermapens
          Chefalarm
          Dot
          lots of probes.
          CyberQ

        What should we do with people who rely on government handouts, but refuse to work?



        Kick them out of congress.

        Comment

        • Mosca
          Charter Member
          • Oct 2014
          • 3782
          • PA
          • Large Big Green Egg, Weber Performer Deluxe, Weber Smokey Joe Silver, Maverick 732, DigiQ, and too much other stuff to mention.

          Who is bigger, Mr Biggar or Mr Biggar’s baby?



          The baby. He’s just a little Biggar.

          Comment


          • Thunder77
            Thunder77 commented
            Editing a comment
            Grooooooan!
        • troymeister
          Charter Member
          • Aug 2014
          • 1520
          • Forest Park Il
          • Weber 26

            Weber Performer 22.5, Weber 18.5, WSM 18.5, Smokey Joe

            2 Slow N Sears, Charcoal Rotisserie, Kettle Pizza for Weber 22.5, Vortex, Grill Grates

            Smoke Thermometer, Igrill, Thermapen, Thermapop,Maverick 2 probe
            I love cooking with wine. Sometimes I put it in my food.

            One cannot have too many grills.

          I was visited a Monastery and as I walked passed the kitchen I saw a man frying chips. I asked him, "Are you the Friar?"
          He replied, "No, I'm the Chip Monk..."

          Comment

          • MichaelF
            Club Member
            • Sep 2018
            • 50
            • Brentwood, TN
            • Weber Summit 670 Gasser. LG900 Pellet Grill with cold smoker. Tappecue Touch WiFi & Maverick 732 thermometers.

            Comment

            • Spinaker
              Moderator
              • Nov 2014
              • 10960
              • Land of Tonka
              • John "J R"
                Instagram: JRBowlsby
                Smokin' Hound Que
                Minnesota/ United States of America

                ********************************************
                Assistants
                Dexter (Beagle mix)
                Kinnick (American Foxhound)
                ************************

                Grills/Smokers/Fryers
                Big Green Egg (Large) X3
                Blackstone 36" Outdoor Griddle 4-Burner

                Karubeque C-60
                Kamado Joe Jr. (Black)
                Lodge L410 Hibachi
                Pit Barrel Cooker
                Pit Barrel Cooker 2.0
                R&V Works FF2-R-ST 4-Gallon Fryer

                Weber Spirit Gasser
                ******************.
                Thermometers
                FireBoard (Base Package)
                Thermoworks ThermaPen (Red)
                Thermoworks MK4 (Orange)
                **************

                Accessories
                Big Green Egg Plate Setter
                Benzomatic TS4000 Torch X 2
                Benzomatic TS800 High Temp Torch X 2

                Bayou Classic 44 qt Stainless Stock Pot
                Bayou Classic 35K BTU Burner

                Digi Q DX2 (Medium Pit Viper Fan)
                Dragon VT 2-23 C Torch
                Eggspander Kit X2
                Field Skillet No. 8,10,12

                Finex Cat Iron Line
                FireBoard Drive
                Lots and Lots of Griswold Cast Iron
                Grill Grates
                Joule Water Circulator
                KBQ Fire Grate

                Kick Ash Basket (KAB) X4
                Lots of Lodge Cast Iron
                Husky 6 Drawer BBQ Equipment Cabinet
                Large Vortex
                Marlin 1894 .44 Magnum
                Marquette Castings No. 13 (First Run)
                Smithey No. 12
                Smokeware Chimney Cap X 3
                Stargazer No.10, 12
                Tool Wizard BBQ Tongs
                Univex Duro 10" Meat Slicer
                ********************************
                Fuel
                FOGO Priemium Lump Charcoal
                Kingsford Blue and White
                Rockwood Lump Charcoal
                Apple, Cherry & Oak Log splits for the C-60
                **************************

                Cutlery
                Buck 119 Special
                Cuda 7' Fillet Knife

                Dexter 12" Brisket Sword
                Global
                Shun
                Wusthof
                *******
                Next Major Purchase
                Lone Star Grillz 24 X 48 Offset

              What concert is only 45 cents?


              50 Cent featuring a little Nickelback.

              Comment


              • ComfortablyNumb
                ComfortablyNumb commented
                Editing a comment
                Reminds me of the parents who spent $80,000 to send their son to college and all they got was a quarter back.

              • Huskee
                Huskee commented
                Editing a comment
                I like 50 cent in movies he's a decent actor.

              • Thunder77
                Thunder77 commented
                Editing a comment
                Now that is a true spinaker joke!!!
            • surfdog
              Club Member
              • Mar 2016
              • 1222
              • Sunny SoCal
              • Cooking gadgets
                Weber Summit Charcoal Grill Center
                Weber Summit Platinum D6
                Blue Rhino Razor
                Dyna-Glo XL Premium Dual Chamber
                Camp Chef Somerset IV along with their Artisan Pizza Oven 90
                Anova WiFi

                Thermometers
                Thermapen Mk4 - ThermaQ High Temp Kit - ThermaQ Meathead Kit - ThermaQ WiFi - ThermoWorks IR-GUN-S - ThermoWorks Signals & Billows - ThermoPop -ThermoWorks ProNeedle - ThermoWorks TimeStick Trio x2 - and a Christopher Kimball timer - NO, I do not work for ThermoWorks...I just like their products.

                Other useful bits...
                KitchenAid 7-qt Pro Line stand mixer
                A Black & Decker food processor that I can't seem to murder
                A couple of immersion blenders, one a "consumer" model & the other a "high end" Italian thing. Yes, the Italian one is a bit better, but only marginally
                Instant Pot Duo Evo Plus 8-qt + accessories like egg-bite & egg holders
                All-Clad pots & pans, along with some cast iron...everything from 7" Skookie pans to 8.5qt Dutch ovens
                Weber GBS griddle, pizza stone, and wok
                Knives range from Mercer to F. Dick to "You spent how much for one knife? One knife?!" LOL

              So I asked the bartender, “What’s the WiFi password?”
              He says, “You need to buy a drink first.”
              ”Okay, I'll have a Guinness.”
              ”Coming up...that’ll be six bucks.”
              ”Let’s just open a tab.”
              ”No problem.”
              ”Cool...so what’s the WiFi password?”
              ”You need to buy a drink first. No spaces, all lowercase.”

              Comment

              • surfdog
                Club Member
                • Mar 2016
                • 1222
                • Sunny SoCal
                • Cooking gadgets
                  Weber Summit Charcoal Grill Center
                  Weber Summit Platinum D6
                  Blue Rhino Razor
                  Dyna-Glo XL Premium Dual Chamber
                  Camp Chef Somerset IV along with their Artisan Pizza Oven 90
                  Anova WiFi

                  Thermometers
                  Thermapen Mk4 - ThermaQ High Temp Kit - ThermaQ Meathead Kit - ThermaQ WiFi - ThermoWorks IR-GUN-S - ThermoWorks Signals & Billows - ThermoPop -ThermoWorks ProNeedle - ThermoWorks TimeStick Trio x2 - and a Christopher Kimball timer - NO, I do not work for ThermoWorks...I just like their products.

                  Other useful bits...
                  KitchenAid 7-qt Pro Line stand mixer
                  A Black & Decker food processor that I can't seem to murder
                  A couple of immersion blenders, one a "consumer" model & the other a "high end" Italian thing. Yes, the Italian one is a bit better, but only marginally
                  Instant Pot Duo Evo Plus 8-qt + accessories like egg-bite & egg holders
                  All-Clad pots & pans, along with some cast iron...everything from 7" Skookie pans to 8.5qt Dutch ovens
                  Weber GBS griddle, pizza stone, and wok
                  Knives range from Mercer to F. Dick to "You spent how much for one knife? One knife?!" LOL

                Click image for larger version

Name:	8445B3ED-74D6-498D-9EB5-DF5B8EA21478.jpeg
Views:	129
Size:	40.9 KB
ID:	741962

                Comment


                • HawkerXP
                  HawkerXP commented
                  Editing a comment
                  badddd
              • surfdog
                Club Member
                • Mar 2016
                • 1222
                • Sunny SoCal
                • Cooking gadgets
                  Weber Summit Charcoal Grill Center
                  Weber Summit Platinum D6
                  Blue Rhino Razor
                  Dyna-Glo XL Premium Dual Chamber
                  Camp Chef Somerset IV along with their Artisan Pizza Oven 90
                  Anova WiFi

                  Thermometers
                  Thermapen Mk4 - ThermaQ High Temp Kit - ThermaQ Meathead Kit - ThermaQ WiFi - ThermoWorks IR-GUN-S - ThermoWorks Signals & Billows - ThermoPop -ThermoWorks ProNeedle - ThermoWorks TimeStick Trio x2 - and a Christopher Kimball timer - NO, I do not work for ThermoWorks...I just like their products.

                  Other useful bits...
                  KitchenAid 7-qt Pro Line stand mixer
                  A Black & Decker food processor that I can't seem to murder
                  A couple of immersion blenders, one a "consumer" model & the other a "high end" Italian thing. Yes, the Italian one is a bit better, but only marginally
                  Instant Pot Duo Evo Plus 8-qt + accessories like egg-bite & egg holders
                  All-Clad pots & pans, along with some cast iron...everything from 7" Skookie pans to 8.5qt Dutch ovens
                  Weber GBS griddle, pizza stone, and wok
                  Knives range from Mercer to F. Dick to "You spent how much for one knife? One knife?!" LOL

                Last night I ate a salad for dinner.
                Lots of croutons & tomatoes.
                Well, mostly croutons & tomatoes.
                Really just one big crouton with tomatoes.
                Ok, a big round crouton with tomato sauce.
                And cheese.
                Fine, it was a pizza,
                I ate a pizza.

                Comment

                Announcement

                Collapse

                2021 Meat-Up In Memphis Canceled - Rescheduled for March 2022

                We've unfortunately had to cancel the 2021 Meat-Up in Memphis. We are rescheduling for March 18-20, 2022. More details and re-booking info coming soon! For now click here for more info.
                See more
                See less
                Working...
                X
                false
                0
                Guest
                500
                ["pitmaster-my-membership","login","join-pitmaster","lostpw","reset-password","special-offers","help","nojs","meat-ups","gifts","authaau-alpha","ebooklogin-start","alpha","start"]
                false
                false
                {"count":0,"link":"/forum/announcements/","debug":""}