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2021 Meat-Up In Memphis Canceled - Rescheduled for March 2022

This summer's 2021 Meat-Up in Memphis IS OFFICIALLY RESCHEDULED FOR March 18-20, 2022. More details and re-booking info here!
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Jokes!

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  • Donw
    Club Member
    • Jul 2017
    • 3756

    A panda walked into a bar. He went up to the bar and said "I'd like a steak with fries and a Coke please" So the bartender took his order and the panda went to sit down. Soon a waiter brought over his meal. The panda ate it up, thanked and tipped the waiter and paid the bill.

    All this seemed pretty normal until the panda pulled out a gun from the depths of his fur, pulled the trigger and BANG! shot the waiter.

    The bartender came over and said "Wha.. wh.. You just shot my friend!!!"

    The panda calmly replied "Do you know what I am?"

    "Why yes," the bartender answered. "Your a panda."

    "Good," the panda nodded "Now go home and look up 'panda' in the dictionary." And with that, the panda walked out of the bar.

    The bartender was a little unsure, however he was very eager to be enlighted on the subject of his friend's murder, so he went home to find his dictionary.

    After a while, he found 'panda' and quickly read the definition:

    PANDA:
    1. A black and white bear native to China. Eats shoots and leaves

    Comment


    • jecucolo
      jecucolo commented
      Editing a comment
      It’s just comma sense...

    • Henrik
      Henrik commented
      Editing a comment
      Love it!

    • gcdmd
      gcdmd commented
      Editing a comment
      If he had eaten puerco pibil he would have had to shoot the cook.
  • Thunder77
    Founding Member
    • Jul 2014
    • 2886
    • Halethorpe, MD
    • Weber 26.75" Kettle with SnS. Broil King Baron 5 burner. Akorn Kamado, and Akorn Jr kamado. Primo Oval Junior. Love grilling steaks, ribs, and chicken. Need to master smoked salmon Favorite cool weather beer: Sam Adams Octoberfest Favorite warm weather beer: Yuengling Traditional Lager All-time favorite drink: Single Malt Scotch

    Sorry about this....
    Attached Files

    Comment


    • JimLinebarger
      JimLinebarger commented
      Editing a comment
      Not sure sorry enough! lol
  • RonB
    Club Member
    • Apr 2016
    • 14075
    • Near Richmond VA
    • Weber Performer Deluxe
      SNS
      Pizza insert
      Rotisserie
      Smokenator 1000
      Cookshack Smokette Elite
      2 Thermapens
      Chefalarm
      Dot
      lots of probes.
      CyberQ

    A pun walks into a bar, ten people die on the spot.


    Pun in, ten dead.

    Comment

    • surfdog
      Club Member
      • Mar 2016
      • 1329
      • Sunny SoCal
      • Cooking gadgets
        Weber Summit Charcoal Grill Center
        Weber Summit Platinum D6
        Blue Rhino Razor
        Dyna-Glo XL Premium Dual Chamber
        Camp Chef Somerset IV along with their Artisan Pizza Oven 90
        Anova WiFi

        Thermometers
        Thermapen Mk4 - ThermaQ High Temp Kit - ThermaQ Meathead Kit - ThermaQ WiFi - ThermoWorks IR-GUN-S - ThermoWorks Signals & Billows - ThermoPop -ThermoWorks ProNeedle - ThermoWorks TimeStick Trio x2 - and a Christopher Kimball timer - NO, I do not work for ThermoWorks...I just like their products.

        Other useful bits...
        KitchenAid 7-qt Pro Line stand mixer
        A Black & Decker food processor that I can't seem to murder
        A couple of immersion blenders, one a "consumer" model & the other a "high end" Italian thing. Yes, the Italian one is a bit better, but only marginally
        Instant Pot Duo Evo Plus 8-qt + accessories like egg-bite & egg holders
        All-Clad pots & pans, along with some cast iron...everything from 7" Skookie pans to 8.5qt Dutch ovens
        Weber GBS griddle, pizza stone, and wok
        Knives range from Mercer to F. Dick to "You spent how much for one knife? One knife?!" LOL

      A woman who is 3 months
      pregnant falls into a deep coma. 6
      months later she awakes and asks
      the doctor about her baby.
      Doctor: You had twins, a boy and
      a girl, and they are both fine.
      Luckily, your brother named them.
      Woman: Oh no, not my brother!
      He's an idiot! What did he name
      the girl?
      Doctor: Denise.
      Woman: Well that isn't too bad,
      and what did he name the boy?
      Doctor: Denephew.

      Comment


      • Henrik
        Henrik commented
        Editing a comment
        Ha ha ha, so good!
    • surfdog
      Club Member
      • Mar 2016
      • 1329
      • Sunny SoCal
      • Cooking gadgets
        Weber Summit Charcoal Grill Center
        Weber Summit Platinum D6
        Blue Rhino Razor
        Dyna-Glo XL Premium Dual Chamber
        Camp Chef Somerset IV along with their Artisan Pizza Oven 90
        Anova WiFi

        Thermometers
        Thermapen Mk4 - ThermaQ High Temp Kit - ThermaQ Meathead Kit - ThermaQ WiFi - ThermoWorks IR-GUN-S - ThermoWorks Signals & Billows - ThermoPop -ThermoWorks ProNeedle - ThermoWorks TimeStick Trio x2 - and a Christopher Kimball timer - NO, I do not work for ThermoWorks...I just like their products.

        Other useful bits...
        KitchenAid 7-qt Pro Line stand mixer
        A Black & Decker food processor that I can't seem to murder
        A couple of immersion blenders, one a "consumer" model & the other a "high end" Italian thing. Yes, the Italian one is a bit better, but only marginally
        Instant Pot Duo Evo Plus 8-qt + accessories like egg-bite & egg holders
        All-Clad pots & pans, along with some cast iron...everything from 7" Skookie pans to 8.5qt Dutch ovens
        Weber GBS griddle, pizza stone, and wok
        Knives range from Mercer to F. Dick to "You spent how much for one knife? One knife?!" LOL

      Click image for larger version

Name:	40D3F499-287C-4BD8-8C82-4A8BBB1719BA.jpeg
Views:	141
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ID:	729801 This reminds me of my brother. LOL

      Comment


      • Henrik
        Henrik commented
        Editing a comment
        Brilliant!
    • surfdog
      Club Member
      • Mar 2016
      • 1329
      • Sunny SoCal
      • Cooking gadgets
        Weber Summit Charcoal Grill Center
        Weber Summit Platinum D6
        Blue Rhino Razor
        Dyna-Glo XL Premium Dual Chamber
        Camp Chef Somerset IV along with their Artisan Pizza Oven 90
        Anova WiFi

        Thermometers
        Thermapen Mk4 - ThermaQ High Temp Kit - ThermaQ Meathead Kit - ThermaQ WiFi - ThermoWorks IR-GUN-S - ThermoWorks Signals & Billows - ThermoPop -ThermoWorks ProNeedle - ThermoWorks TimeStick Trio x2 - and a Christopher Kimball timer - NO, I do not work for ThermoWorks...I just like their products.

        Other useful bits...
        KitchenAid 7-qt Pro Line stand mixer
        A Black & Decker food processor that I can't seem to murder
        A couple of immersion blenders, one a "consumer" model & the other a "high end" Italian thing. Yes, the Italian one is a bit better, but only marginally
        Instant Pot Duo Evo Plus 8-qt + accessories like egg-bite & egg holders
        All-Clad pots & pans, along with some cast iron...everything from 7" Skookie pans to 8.5qt Dutch ovens
        Weber GBS griddle, pizza stone, and wok
        Knives range from Mercer to F. Dick to "You spent how much for one knife? One knife?!" LOL

      Click image for larger version

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      Comment


      • Thunder77
        Thunder77 commented
        Editing a comment
        Rofl!

      • Huskee
        Huskee commented
        Editing a comment
        Lol! Now I understand hashbrowns.
    • holehogg
      Club Member
      • Nov 2017
      • 2642
      • Port Elizabeth, South Africa

      Viagra doesn't make you James Bond.
      But it does make you Roger Moore.

      Comment

      • 58limited
        Club Member
        • Dec 2018
        • 1275
        • SE Texas
        • "Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy." ~Benjamin Franklin

        . Click image for larger version

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        Comment

        • ofelles
          Club Member
          • Jun 2018
          • 2876
          • Brentwood CA
          • LSG large insulated cabinet
            Yoder YS640
            David Klose 20x42 Grill Chef Grill
            Weber Jumbo Joe
            FireBoard controller and PitBull fan
            Thermapen Mk4

          Comment


          • RonB
            RonB commented
            Editing a comment
            Another stealth joke...
        • ofelles
          Club Member
          • Jun 2018
          • 2876
          • Brentwood CA
          • LSG large insulated cabinet
            Yoder YS640
            David Klose 20x42 Grill Chef Grill
            Weber Jumbo Joe
            FireBoard controller and PitBull fan
            Thermapen Mk4

          FOR THOSE WHO LOVE THE PHILOSOPHY OF AMBIGUITY, AS WELL AS THE IDIOSYNCRASIES OF ENGLISH:



          Please enjoy the following :

          1.DON'T SWEAT THE PETTY THINGS AND DON'T PET THE SWEATY THINGS.

          2.ONE TEQUILA, TWO TEQUILA, THREE TEQUILA, FLOOR.

          3.ATHEISM IS A NON-PROPHET ORGANIZATION.

          4.IF MAN EVOLVED FROM MONKEYS AND APES, WHY DO WE STILL HAVE MONKEYS AND APES?

          5.THE MAIN REASON THAT SANTA IS SO JOLLY IS BECAUSE HE KNOWS WHERE ALL THE BAD GIRLS LIVE.

          6.I WENT TO A BOOKSTORE AND ASKED THE SALESWOMAN, "WHERE'S THE SELF- HELP SECTION?" SHE SAID IF SHE TOLD ME, IT WOULD DEFEAT THE PURPOSE.

          7.WHAT IF THERE WERE NO HYPOTHETICAL QUESTIONS?

          8.IF A DEAF CHILD SIGNS SWEAR WORDS, DOES HIS MOTHER WASH HIS HANDS WITH SOAP?

          9. IF SOMEONE WITH MULTIPLE PERSONALITIES THREATENS TO KILL HIMSELF, IS IT CONSIDERED A HOSTAGE SITUATION?

          10.IS THERE ANOTHER WORD FOR SYNONYM?

          11.WHERE DO FOREST RANGERS GO TO "GET AWAY FROM IT ALL?"

          12.WHAT DO YOU DO WHEN YOU SEE AN ENDANGERED ANIMAL EATING AN ENDANGERED PLANT?

          13.IF A PARSLEY FARMER IS SUED, CAN THEY GARNISH HIS WAGES?

          14.WOULD A FLY WITHOUT WINGS BE CALLED A WALK?

          15.WHY DO THEY LOCK GAS STATION BATHROOMS? ARE THEY AFRAID SOMEONE WILL CLEAN THEM?

          16.IF A TURTLE DOESN'T HAVE A SHELL, IS HE HOMELESS OR NAKED?

          17.CAN VEGETARIANS EAT ANIMAL CRACKERS?

          18.IF THE POLICE ARREST A MIME, DO THEY TELL HIM HE HAS THE RIGHT TO REMAIN SILENT?

          19.WHY DO THEY PUT BRAILLE ON THE DRIVE-THROUGH BANK MACHINES?

          20.HOW DO THEY GET DEER TO CROSS THE ROAD ONLY AT THOSE YELLOW ROAD SIGNS?

          21.WHAT WAS THE BEST THING BEFORE SLICED BREAD?

          22.ONE NICE THING ABOUT EGOTISTS: THEY DON'T TALK ABOUT OTHER PEOPLE.

          23.DOES THE LITTLE MERMAID WEAR AN ALGEBRA?

          24.DO INFANTS ENJOY INFANCY AS MUCH AS ADULTS ENJOY ADULTERY?

          25.HOW IS IT POSSIBLE TO HAVE A CIVIL WAR?

          26.IF ONE SYNCHRONIZED SWIMMER DROWNS, DO THE REST DROWN TOO?

          27.IF YOU ATE BOTH PASTA AND ANTIPASTO, WOULD YOU STILL BE HUNGRY?

          28.IF YOU TRY TO FAIL, AND SUCCEED, WHICH HAVE YOU DONE?

          29.WHOSE CRUEL IDEA WAS IT FOR THE WORD 'LISP' TO HAVE 'S' IN IT?

          30.WHY ARE HEMORRHOIDS CALLED "HEMORRHOIDS" INSTEAD OF "ASTEROIDS"?

          31.WHY IS IT CALLED TOURIST SEASON IF WE CAN'T SHOOT AT THEM?

          32.WHY IS THERE AN EXPIRATION DATE ON SOUR CREAM?

          33.CAN AN ATHEIST GET INSURANCE AGAINST ACTS OF GOD ?

          Comment


          • CaptainMike
            CaptainMike commented
            Editing a comment
            Hmmm, things that make you go "Hmmm"

          • ComfortablyNumb
            ComfortablyNumb commented
            Editing a comment
            Huskee I tried that, but sales were flat and I found myself in a sticky situation.

          • JimLinebarger
            JimLinebarger commented
            Editing a comment
            #9 wouldn't that also constitue a conspiracy?
        • pkadare
          Club Member
          • Jun 2019
          • 1047
          • Bobcaygeon, Ontario
          • My gear:
            22 Weber Kettle
            Napoleon PRO Charcoal Kettle Grill
            Broil King Keg
            Traeger Pro 34
            Napoleon Prestige Pro 500
            Pit Barrel Cooker
            Blackstone Range Combo Griddle

          What kind of dinosaur writes romance novels?
          Brontësaurus.

          Comment


          • surfdog
            surfdog commented
            Editing a comment
            Well played.
        • pkadare
          Club Member
          • Jun 2019
          • 1047
          • Bobcaygeon, Ontario
          • My gear:
            22 Weber Kettle
            Napoleon PRO Charcoal Kettle Grill
            Broil King Keg
            Traeger Pro 34
            Napoleon Prestige Pro 500
            Pit Barrel Cooker
            Blackstone Range Combo Griddle

          I went to the zoo. There was only one animal. It was a dog.

          It was a shih tzu.

          Comment

          • surfdog
            Club Member
            • Mar 2016
            • 1329
            • Sunny SoCal
            • Cooking gadgets
              Weber Summit Charcoal Grill Center
              Weber Summit Platinum D6
              Blue Rhino Razor
              Dyna-Glo XL Premium Dual Chamber
              Camp Chef Somerset IV along with their Artisan Pizza Oven 90
              Anova WiFi

              Thermometers
              Thermapen Mk4 - ThermaQ High Temp Kit - ThermaQ Meathead Kit - ThermaQ WiFi - ThermoWorks IR-GUN-S - ThermoWorks Signals & Billows - ThermoPop -ThermoWorks ProNeedle - ThermoWorks TimeStick Trio x2 - and a Christopher Kimball timer - NO, I do not work for ThermoWorks...I just like their products.

              Other useful bits...
              KitchenAid 7-qt Pro Line stand mixer
              A Black & Decker food processor that I can't seem to murder
              A couple of immersion blenders, one a "consumer" model & the other a "high end" Italian thing. Yes, the Italian one is a bit better, but only marginally
              Instant Pot Duo Evo Plus 8-qt + accessories like egg-bite & egg holders
              All-Clad pots & pans, along with some cast iron...everything from 7" Skookie pans to 8.5qt Dutch ovens
              Weber GBS griddle, pizza stone, and wok
              Knives range from Mercer to F. Dick to "You spent how much for one knife? One knife?!" LOL

            Apologies if this has been posted. (Didn’t find it.)

            An old guy on a train asks another old guy, “Is this Wembley?
            The other guy says, “No, it’s Thursday.”
            To which he replies, “Ah, so am i! Shall we get off and have drink?”
            ”Grand idea, let’s do that.”

            Comment

            • surfdog
              Club Member
              • Mar 2016
              • 1329
              • Sunny SoCal
              • Cooking gadgets
                Weber Summit Charcoal Grill Center
                Weber Summit Platinum D6
                Blue Rhino Razor
                Dyna-Glo XL Premium Dual Chamber
                Camp Chef Somerset IV along with their Artisan Pizza Oven 90
                Anova WiFi

                Thermometers
                Thermapen Mk4 - ThermaQ High Temp Kit - ThermaQ Meathead Kit - ThermaQ WiFi - ThermoWorks IR-GUN-S - ThermoWorks Signals & Billows - ThermoPop -ThermoWorks ProNeedle - ThermoWorks TimeStick Trio x2 - and a Christopher Kimball timer - NO, I do not work for ThermoWorks...I just like their products.

                Other useful bits...
                KitchenAid 7-qt Pro Line stand mixer
                A Black & Decker food processor that I can't seem to murder
                A couple of immersion blenders, one a "consumer" model & the other a "high end" Italian thing. Yes, the Italian one is a bit better, but only marginally
                Instant Pot Duo Evo Plus 8-qt + accessories like egg-bite & egg holders
                All-Clad pots & pans, along with some cast iron...everything from 7" Skookie pans to 8.5qt Dutch ovens
                Weber GBS griddle, pizza stone, and wok
                Knives range from Mercer to F. Dick to "You spent how much for one knife? One knife?!" LOL

              Fun fact:
              After 100 years on the bottom of the ocean...divers were amazed that the Titanic’s pool was still full.

              Comment


              • Mr. Bones
                Mr. Bones commented
                Editing a comment
                Go an figger...
            • surfdog
              Club Member
              • Mar 2016
              • 1329
              • Sunny SoCal
              • Cooking gadgets
                Weber Summit Charcoal Grill Center
                Weber Summit Platinum D6
                Blue Rhino Razor
                Dyna-Glo XL Premium Dual Chamber
                Camp Chef Somerset IV along with their Artisan Pizza Oven 90
                Anova WiFi

                Thermometers
                Thermapen Mk4 - ThermaQ High Temp Kit - ThermaQ Meathead Kit - ThermaQ WiFi - ThermoWorks IR-GUN-S - ThermoWorks Signals & Billows - ThermoPop -ThermoWorks ProNeedle - ThermoWorks TimeStick Trio x2 - and a Christopher Kimball timer - NO, I do not work for ThermoWorks...I just like their products.

                Other useful bits...
                KitchenAid 7-qt Pro Line stand mixer
                A Black & Decker food processor that I can't seem to murder
                A couple of immersion blenders, one a "consumer" model & the other a "high end" Italian thing. Yes, the Italian one is a bit better, but only marginally
                Instant Pot Duo Evo Plus 8-qt + accessories like egg-bite & egg holders
                All-Clad pots & pans, along with some cast iron...everything from 7" Skookie pans to 8.5qt Dutch ovens
                Weber GBS griddle, pizza stone, and wok
                Knives range from Mercer to F. Dick to "You spent how much for one knife? One knife?!" LOL

              Click image for larger version

Name:	1CEB8374-0D97-4383-B9D0-89BF333B5558.jpeg
Views:	152
Size:	49.9 KB
ID:	731319

              Comment


              • Mr. Bones
                Mr. Bones commented
                Editing a comment
                Right where I'm at....

            Announcement

            Collapse

            2021 Meat-Up In Memphis Canceled - Rescheduled for March 2022

            This summer's 2021 Meat-Up in Memphis IS OFFICIALLY RESCHEDULED FOR March 18-20, 2022. More details and re-booking info here!
            See more
            See less
            Working...
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            Yes
            Meat-Up in Memphis