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    A panda walked into a bar. He went up to the bar and said "I'd like a steak with fries and a Coke please" So the bartender took his order and the panda went to sit down. Soon a waiter brought over his meal. The panda ate it up, thanked and tipped the waiter and paid the bill.

    All this seemed pretty normal until the panda pulled out a gun from the depths of his fur, pulled the trigger and BANG! shot the waiter.

    The bartender came over and said "Wha.. wh.. You just shot my friend!!!"

    The panda calmly replied "Do you know what I am?"

    "Why yes," the bartender answered. "Your a panda."

    "Good," the panda nodded "Now go home and look up 'panda' in the dictionary." And with that, the panda walked out of the bar.

    The bartender was a little unsure, however he was very eager to be enlighted on the subject of his friend's murder, so he went home to find his dictionary.

    After a while, he found 'panda' and quickly read the definition:

    PANDA:
    1. A black and white bear native to China. Eats shoots and leaves

    Comment


    • jecucolo
      jecucolo commented
      Editing a comment
      It’s just comma sense...

    • Henrik
      Henrik commented
      Editing a comment
      Love it!

    • gcdmd
      gcdmd commented
      Editing a comment
      If he had eaten puerco pibil he would have had to shoot the cook.

    Sorry about this....
    Attached Files

    Comment


    • JimLinebarger
      JimLinebarger commented
      Editing a comment
      Not sure sorry enough! lol

    A pun walks into a bar, ten people die on the spot.


    Pun in, ten dead.

    Comment


      A woman who is 3 months
      pregnant falls into a deep coma. 6
      months later she awakes and asks
      the doctor about her baby.
      Doctor: You had twins, a boy and
      a girl, and they are both fine.
      Luckily, your brother named them.
      Woman: Oh no, not my brother!
      He's an idiot! What did he name
      the girl?
      Doctor: Denise.
      Woman: Well that isn't too bad,
      and what did he name the boy?
      Doctor: Denephew.

      Comment


      • Henrik
        Henrik commented
        Editing a comment
        Ha ha ha, so good!

      Click image for larger version

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      Comment


      • Henrik
        Henrik commented
        Editing a comment
        Brilliant!

      Click image for larger version

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      Comment


      • Thunder77
        Thunder77 commented
        Editing a comment
        Rofl!

      • Huskee
        Huskee commented
        Editing a comment
        Lol! Now I understand hashbrowns.

      Viagra doesn't make you James Bond.
      But it does make you Roger Moore.

      Comment


        . Click image for larger version

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          Comment


          • RonB
            RonB commented
            Editing a comment
            Another stealth joke...

          FOR THOSE WHO LOVE THE PHILOSOPHY OF AMBIGUITY, AS WELL AS THE IDIOSYNCRASIES OF ENGLISH:



          Please enjoy the following :

          1.DON'T SWEAT THE PETTY THINGS AND DON'T PET THE SWEATY THINGS.

          2.ONE TEQUILA, TWO TEQUILA, THREE TEQUILA, FLOOR.

          3.ATHEISM IS A NON-PROPHET ORGANIZATION.

          4.IF MAN EVOLVED FROM MONKEYS AND APES, WHY DO WE STILL HAVE MONKEYS AND APES?

          5.THE MAIN REASON THAT SANTA IS SO JOLLY IS BECAUSE HE KNOWS WHERE ALL THE BAD GIRLS LIVE.

          6.I WENT TO A BOOKSTORE AND ASKED THE SALESWOMAN, "WHERE'S THE SELF- HELP SECTION?" SHE SAID IF SHE TOLD ME, IT WOULD DEFEAT THE PURPOSE.

          7.WHAT IF THERE WERE NO HYPOTHETICAL QUESTIONS?

          8.IF A DEAF CHILD SIGNS SWEAR WORDS, DOES HIS MOTHER WASH HIS HANDS WITH SOAP?

          9. IF SOMEONE WITH MULTIPLE PERSONALITIES THREATENS TO KILL HIMSELF, IS IT CONSIDERED A HOSTAGE SITUATION?

          10.IS THERE ANOTHER WORD FOR SYNONYM?

          11.WHERE DO FOREST RANGERS GO TO "GET AWAY FROM IT ALL?"

          12.WHAT DO YOU DO WHEN YOU SEE AN ENDANGERED ANIMAL EATING AN ENDANGERED PLANT?

          13.IF A PARSLEY FARMER IS SUED, CAN THEY GARNISH HIS WAGES?

          14.WOULD A FLY WITHOUT WINGS BE CALLED A WALK?

          15.WHY DO THEY LOCK GAS STATION BATHROOMS? ARE THEY AFRAID SOMEONE WILL CLEAN THEM?

          16.IF A TURTLE DOESN'T HAVE A SHELL, IS HE HOMELESS OR NAKED?

          17.CAN VEGETARIANS EAT ANIMAL CRACKERS?

          18.IF THE POLICE ARREST A MIME, DO THEY TELL HIM HE HAS THE RIGHT TO REMAIN SILENT?

          19.WHY DO THEY PUT BRAILLE ON THE DRIVE-THROUGH BANK MACHINES?

          20.HOW DO THEY GET DEER TO CROSS THE ROAD ONLY AT THOSE YELLOW ROAD SIGNS?

          21.WHAT WAS THE BEST THING BEFORE SLICED BREAD?

          22.ONE NICE THING ABOUT EGOTISTS: THEY DON'T TALK ABOUT OTHER PEOPLE.

          23.DOES THE LITTLE MERMAID WEAR AN ALGEBRA?

          24.DO INFANTS ENJOY INFANCY AS MUCH AS ADULTS ENJOY ADULTERY?

          25.HOW IS IT POSSIBLE TO HAVE A CIVIL WAR?

          26.IF ONE SYNCHRONIZED SWIMMER DROWNS, DO THE REST DROWN TOO?

          27.IF YOU ATE BOTH PASTA AND ANTIPASTO, WOULD YOU STILL BE HUNGRY?

          28.IF YOU TRY TO FAIL, AND SUCCEED, WHICH HAVE YOU DONE?

          29.WHOSE CRUEL IDEA WAS IT FOR THE WORD 'LISP' TO HAVE 'S' IN IT?

          30.WHY ARE HEMORRHOIDS CALLED "HEMORRHOIDS" INSTEAD OF "ASTEROIDS"?

          31.WHY IS IT CALLED TOURIST SEASON IF WE CAN'T SHOOT AT THEM?

          32.WHY IS THERE AN EXPIRATION DATE ON SOUR CREAM?

          33.CAN AN ATHEIST GET INSURANCE AGAINST ACTS OF GOD ?

          Comment


          • CaptainMike
            CaptainMike commented
            Editing a comment
            Hmmm, things that make you go "Hmmm"

          • ComfortablyNumb
            ComfortablyNumb commented
            Editing a comment
            Huskee I tried that, but sales were flat and I found myself in a sticky situation.

          • JimLinebarger
            JimLinebarger commented
            Editing a comment
            #9 wouldn't that also constitue a conspiracy?

          What kind of dinosaur writes romance novels?
          Brontësaurus.

          Comment


          • surfdog
            surfdog commented
            Editing a comment
            Well played.

          I went to the zoo. There was only one animal. It was a dog.

          It was a shih tzu.

          Comment


            Apologies if this has been posted. (Didn’t find it.)

            An old guy on a train asks another old guy, “Is this Wembley?
            The other guy says, “No, it’s Thursday.”
            To which he replies, “Ah, so am i! Shall we get off and have drink?”
            ”Grand idea, let’s do that.”

            Comment


              Fun fact:
              After 100 years on the bottom of the ocean...divers were amazed that the Titanic’s pool was still full.

              Comment


              • Mr. Bones
                Mr. Bones commented
                Editing a comment
                Go an figger...

              Click image for larger version

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              • Mr. Bones
                Mr. Bones commented
                Editing a comment
                Right where I'm at....

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