Welcome!


This is a membership forum. As a guest, you can click around a bit. View 3 pages for free.

[ Lost Username or Password | Pitmaster Club Information, | Join 30 Days Free | Contact Us ]

There are 2 page views remaining.

Announcement

Collapse

Meat-Up in Memphis 2020

Join us in Memphis for our Meat-Up! Save $100 by booking early! Click here for details. (https://amazingribs.com/memphis2020)
See more
See less

Jokes!

Collapse
X
 
  • Filter
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts
  • RonB
    Club Member
    • Apr 2016
    • 10697
    • Near Richmond VA
    • Weber Performer Deluxe
      SNS
      Pizza insert
      Rotisserie
      Smokenator 1000
      Cookshack Smokette Elite
      2 Thermapens
      Chefalarm
      Dot
      lots of probes.
      CyberQ

    I joined a gym and said to the trainer, “I want to impress beautiful girls, which machine should I use?”

    He said, “Try the ATM outside.

    Comment


    • CaptainMike
      CaptainMike commented
      Editing a comment
      I recently read a quote attributed to Frank Sinatra where he said something like "Women have access to a lot products for sexual arousal these days. The Mercedes Benz 500SL is one of them"
      Last edited by CaptainMike; August 5th, 2019, 12:42 PM.
  • jecucolo
    Club Member
    • Nov 2015
    • 1181
    • Schertz Texas
    • Pit Barrel Cooker
      Slow 'n Sear for 22" Kettle
      Weber 22" Kettle (Craiglist)
      Slow 'n Sear for 22" Kettle
      Weber Rapid Fire Chimney
      Maverick ET-732
      Kingsford Original Charcoal
      Kingsford Competition Charcoal
      Anova Sous Vide

    Some of us could do this a few years ago.

    An American walks into an Irish pubs and announces to all the patrons that he will pay $500 to anyone who can drink 10 pints of Guinness in 10 minutes. Everyone raise their head but ignores the absurd bet and then goes back to their merry making except for one Irishman who leaves the pub. Some time passes and the Irishman returns to the pub and asked if the bet is still on the table? Sure it is says the American! Bartender line up the 10 Guinness!
    The Irishman drinks all 10 in 10 minutes. Astonished the American hands over the $500 and ask "May I ask where you went earlier?"
    The Irishman replies with a smirk, "I went to the pub next door to see if I could do it."

    Comment


    • HawkerXP
      HawkerXP commented
      Editing a comment
      I think I know that guy.

    • JimLinebarger
      JimLinebarger commented
      Editing a comment
      Keep 'em coming!
  • jecucolo
    Club Member
    • Nov 2015
    • 1181
    • Schertz Texas
    • Pit Barrel Cooker
      Slow 'n Sear for 22" Kettle
      Weber 22" Kettle (Craiglist)
      Slow 'n Sear for 22" Kettle
      Weber Rapid Fire Chimney
      Maverick ET-732
      Kingsford Original Charcoal
      Kingsford Competition Charcoal
      Anova Sous Vide

    My friends step dad doesn't like it when he calls him fake dad....ready



    He prefers faux pa...

    Comment

    • holehogg
      Club Member
      • Nov 2017
      • 1554
      • Port Elizabeth, South Africa

      So I finished writing my book on aeroplanes but it didn't take off. I think the pilot was bad.

      Comment


      • JimLinebarger
        JimLinebarger commented
        Editing a comment
        So when you went to a publisher with your pitch, all you got was a yaw? Could just be in a stall, might throttle up soon. Or you could chock it up to a learning experience.

      • THE Humble Texan
        THE Humble Texan commented
        Editing a comment
        try a different course but don't make a flap about it.

      • holehogg
        holehogg commented
        Editing a comment
        I wasn't banking on getting any good advice anyways.
    • ComfortablyNumb
      Club Member
      • May 2017
      • 2576
      • Northeast Washington
      • KBQ C-60
        PK360
        Thermoworks Smoke
        Thermoworks Thermopop
        Thermoworks Dot

      Definition of stress: What you experience when you suppress the urge to beat the living crap out of someone who so desperately deserves it.

      Comment


      • ComfortablyNumb
        ComfortablyNumb commented
        Editing a comment
        Bogy Yeah, my first thought was hourly, unless I'm at a store, when it can be minute to minute! ;-)

      • Bogy
        Bogy commented
        Editing a comment
        Mr. Bones is a saint!

      • Mr. Bones
        Mr. Bones commented
        Editing a comment
        To be honest, yeah, it is WAY more often than daily, but I was tryin, desperately, to kinda downplay of a very opinionated, raised with no mercy, 3 tours of combat sf Veteran riled up...

        I like to think I'm mostly past anger, an violence , but, but, truth be told, among Family here...

        I still have my Moments....

        Bogy yer too funny; I certainly ain't qualified, on th face of this*' Miracle', to achieve Sainthood, but I LOVE th way yer sense of humour works, always!
    • RonB
      Club Member
      • Apr 2016
      • 10697
      • Near Richmond VA
      • Weber Performer Deluxe
        SNS
        Pizza insert
        Rotisserie
        Smokenator 1000
        Cookshack Smokette Elite
        2 Thermapens
        Chefalarm
        Dot
        lots of probes.
        CyberQ

      I was thinking, (always dangerous)…



      If a parent is trying to put his child to sleep and the child is refusing, wouldn’t it be illegal because technically the child is resisting a rest?

      But then I realized it’s a lose-lose situation and it’s illegal either way because if the child willingly goes to sleep it makes it a kid napping.

      Comment


      • JimLinebarger
        JimLinebarger commented
        Editing a comment
        Would the child be charged with a minor infraction?
    • holehogg
      Club Member
      • Nov 2017
      • 1554
      • Port Elizabeth, South Africa

      While I was dishing up my lunch meals one of my peeps asked me "New oven mitts"
      My reply "No, Boxing Gloves - for anyone who complains about today's lunch"

      Comment


      • ComfortablyNumb
        ComfortablyNumb commented
        Editing a comment
        And here I thought you were playing baseball......
    • Blake
      Club Member
      • Jul 2017
      • 54

      Click image for larger version

Name:	IMG_3295.JPG
Views:	22
Size:	52.5 KB
ID:	727112

      Comment

      • Blake
        Club Member
        • Jul 2017
        • 54

        Click image for larger version

Name:	IMG_1797.JPG
Views:	23
Size:	9.9 KB
ID:	727114

        Comment

        • ComfortablyNumb
          Club Member
          • May 2017
          • 2576
          • Northeast Washington
          • KBQ C-60
            PK360
            Thermoworks Smoke
            Thermoworks Thermopop
            Thermoworks Dot

          HOW CANADA GOT ITS NAME

          Since some of the citizens speak English, and some French, it was decided they should coin a new word that was neither French nor English. It was then decided to put some letters in a hat and make the new name out of the letters drawn. So the hat was filled with slips of paper, each with a letter on it and the Prime Minister was called upon to draw the letters. So he drew the first letter and announced it do the audience, "C, eh!" Then the second, "N, eh!" Then the third, "D, eh!" And that's how they came up with Canada, eh!

          Comment


          • Craigar
            Craigar commented
            Editing a comment
            For a minute there I thought you were talking about Joseph Smith.

          • gcdmd
            gcdmd commented
            Editing a comment
            That aboot sums it up.
        • surfdog
          Club Member
          • Mar 2016
          • 473
          • Sunny SoCal
          • Weber Summit Charcoal Grill Center - Weber Summit Platinum D6 - Blue Rhino Razor - Char-Griller Legacy - Anova WiFi - Thermapen Mk4 - ThermaQ High Temp Kit - ThermaQ Meathead Kit - ThermaQ WiFi - ThermoWorks IR-GUN-S - ThermoPop - ThermoWorks TimeStick Trio x2 - Christopher Kimball timer - NO, I do not work for ThermoWorks...I just like their products.

          holehogg Dishing up lunch reminds me of doing the same...

          I asked the guy, “Is it for here or to go?”
          He went off!
          Slammed his tray down and stomped away.
          Some prisoners have no sense of humour.

          Comment

          • 58limited
            Club Member
            • Dec 2018
            • 299
            • SE Texas
            • "Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy." ~Benjamin Franklin

            . Click image for larger version  Name:	yoda-gremlin.jpg Views:	1 Size:	89.4 KB ID:	728167

            Click image for larger version

Name:	15232171_10212183878660492_3971913900782190543_n.jpg
Views:	25
Size:	40.8 KB
ID:	728169

            Click image for larger version  Name:	12654560_10207196235538544_7448027929078323572_n.jpg Views:	1 Size:	67.5 KB ID:	728168

            Comment


            • Mr. Bones
              Mr. Bones commented
              Editing a comment
              LOL on all, Brother!
              I remember askin specifically that Pic #3 not be published on th internut, as I don't like to be seen as lookin all "pensive", when in all actuality, I am doin is jus havin me a think...
          • holehogg
            Club Member
            • Nov 2017
            • 1554
            • Port Elizabeth, South Africa

            I got so mad at my GPS this morning that I told it to go to hell.
            It promptly took me to my in-laws house.

            Comment


            • Henrik
              Henrik commented
              Editing a comment
              Love it!
          • holehogg
            Club Member
            • Nov 2017
            • 1554
            • Port Elizabeth, South Africa

            What do you do if someone says an onion is the only thing that makes them cry?
            Throw a watermelon in their face.

            Comment

            • Steve R.
              Club Member
              • Jul 2016
              • 1855
              • Elizabethtown, KY
              • Current line-up of cookers: Weber 22.5" Original Premium kettle w/ SnS and BBQ Guru adapter; Old Country Over and Under smoker; PBC; Weber Ranch Kettle w/ Guru adapter.

              Did you hear about the dyslexic, agnostic insomniac? He stays awake all night pondering the existence of dog.

              Comment


              • ComfortablyNumb
                ComfortablyNumb commented
                Editing a comment
                Been telling that one for years!

              • Mr. Bones
                Mr. Bones commented
                Editing a comment
                No wonder I cain't never sleep...

            Announcement

            Collapse

            Meat-Up in Memphis 2020

            Join us in Memphis for our Meat-Up! Save $100 by booking early! Click here for details. (https://amazingribs.com/memphis2020)
            See more
            See less
            Working...
            X
            Meat-Up in Memphis

            T-Shirts & More T-Shirts & More
            Order men's and women's T-Shirts, Sweatshirts, Aprons, Mugs, Caps, Tote Bags, Flasks, and more, all imprinted with the Pitmaster Club logo. There's even a spiral bound journal where you can make notes on your cooks.

            Cool Embroidered Shirt Cool Embroidered Shirt
            This beautifully embroidered shirt is the same one Meathead wears in public and on TV. It's wash and wear and doesn't need ironing (really!), but it is a soft cottonlike feel. Choice of four colors and both men's and women's.

            Click here for more info.

            Support ARC

            Many merchants pay us a small referral fee when you click our links and purchase from them. On Amazon it works on everything from grills to diapers, they never tell us what you bought, and it has zero impact on the price you pay, but has a major impact on our ability to improve this site! And remember, we only recommend products we love. If you like AmazingRibs.com, please save this link and use it every time you go to Amazon.

            https://tinyurl.com/amazingribs

            BBQ Stars

            SPOTLIGHT

            These are not ads or paid placements. These Are Some Of Our Favorite Tools And Toys.

            These are products we have tested, won our top awards, and are highly recommend. Click here to read how we test, about our medals, and what they mean.

            Use our links when you buy things

            Many merchants pay us a small referral fee when you click our links and purchase from them. On Amazon it works on everything from grills to diapers, they never tell us what you bought, it has zero impact on the price you pay, but has a major impact on our ability to improve this site! If you like AmazingRibs.com, please save this link and use it every time you go to Amazon

            https://tinyurl.com/amazingribs

             


            Placeholder

            Surely you know somebody who loves outdoor cooking who deserves a gift for the holidays, birthday, anniversary, or just for being wonderful. There he is, right in the mirror! Here are our selections of best ideas, all Platinum or Gold Medalists, listed by price.

            Click here to see our list of Gold Medal Gifts


            Digital Thermometers Are Your Most Valuable Tool And Here's A Great Buy!

            maverick PT55 thermometer

            A good digital thermometer keeps you from serving dry overcooked food or dangerously undercooked food. They are much faster and much more accurate than dial thermometers. YOU NEED ONE!

            Click here for more info on the Maverick PT-55 Waterproof Instant-Read Thermometer Review shown above. It may be the best value in a thermometer out there


            If you have a Weber Kettle, you need the Slow 'N' Sear

            slow n sear

            The Slow 'N' Sear turns your grill into a first class smoker and also creates an extremely hot sear zone you can use to create steakhouse steaks.

            Click here for our article on this breakthrough tool


            Bring The Heat With Broil King Signet's Dual Tube Burners

            the good one grill

            The Broil King Signet 320 is a modestly priced, 3-burner gas grill that packs a lot of value and power under the hood. Broil King's proprietary, dual-tube burners get hot fast and are able to achieve high, searing temps that rival most comparatively priced gas grills. The quality cast aluminum housing carries a Limited Lifetime Warranty.

            Click here to read our complete review


            The Good-One Is A Superb Grill And A Superb Smoker All In One

            the good one grill

            The Good-One Open Range is a charcoal grill with an offset smoke chamber attached. It is dramatically different from a traditional offset smoker. The grill sits low in front and doubles as a firebox for the smoke chamber which is spliced on above and behind so it can work like a horizontal offset smoker only better. By placing the heat source behind and under the smokebox instead of off to the side, Open Range produces even temperature from left to right, something almost impossible to achieve with a standard barrel shaped offset.

            Click here to read our complete review


            Pit Barrel Cooker Smoker

            Griddle And Deep Fryer All In One

            The flat top does the burgers and the fryer does the fries. Use the griddle for bacon, eggs, and home fries. Or pancakes, fajitas, grilled cheese, you name it. Why stink up the house deep frying and spatter all over? Do your fried chicken and calamari outside. Blackstone's Rangetop Combo With Deep Fryer does it all. Plus it has a built in cutting board, garbage bag holder, and paper towel holder. An additional work table on the left side provides plenty of counter space.

            Click here to read our detailed review and to order


            Pit Barrel Cooker Smoker

            The Pit Barrel Cooker May Be Too Easy

            The PBC has a rabid cult following for good reason. It is absolutely positively without a doubt the best bargain on a smoker in the world. Period. This baby will cook circles around the cheap offset sideways barrel smokers in the hardware stores because temperature control is so much easier. Best of all, it is only $299 delivered to your door!

            Click here to read our detailed review and the raves from people who own them


            The Swiss Army Knife Of Thermometers

            Placeholder

            The smart folks at ThermoWorks have finally done it: The Swiss Army Knife of thermometers, two in one. Start with the industry standard food thermometer, the Thermapen MK4, (Platinum Medal winner) truly instant (2 to 3 seconds) precise (+ or – 0.7°F). Then they built in an infrared thermometer ideal for measuring the temps of pizza stones, griddles, and frying pans (also great for finding leaks around doors and windows in your house).

            Click here to read our test results and comprehensive review and why it won our Platinum Medal.


            Compact Powerful Sear Machine For Your Next Tailgater

            Placeholder

            Char-Broil's Grill2Go x200 is a super-portable, fun little sizzler made of heavy, rust-proof cast aluminum. The lid snaps shut. Grab the handle and you're off to the party! Char-Broil's TRU-Infrared design produces searing heat while reducing fuel consumption. A 16 ounce LP gas canister is enough to keep you flipping burgers for hours.

            Click here to read our detailed review and to order


            The Cool Kettle With The Hinged Hood We Always Wanted

            NK-22-Ck Grill

            Their NK22CK-C Charcoal Kettle Grill puts a few spins on the familiar kettle design. In fact, the hinged lid with a handle on the front, spins in a rotary motion 180 degrees. It's hard to beat a Weber kettle, but Napoleon holds its own and adds some unique features to make the NK22CK-C a viable alternative.

            Click here for more about what makes this grill special


            Placeholder

            G&F Suede Welder's Gloves

            Heat Resistant Gloves With Extra Long Sleeves Hold The Hot Stuff

            If you're using oven mitts at the grill, it's time to trade up. Say hello to these suede welder's gloves. They're heat resistant enough to handle hot grill grates, and flexible enough to handle tongs. The extra long sleeves even let you reach deep into the firebox to move hot logs without getting burned. Our Fave.

            Click here to read our detailed review

            Click here to order from Amazon


            GrillGrates Take Gas Grills To The Infrared Zone

            grill grates

            GrillGrates(TM) amplify heat, prevent flareups, make flipping foods easier, keep small foods from committing suicide, kill hotspots, are easier to clean, flip over to make a fine griddle, and can be easily removed and moved from one grill to another. You can even throw wood chips, pellets, or sawdust between the rails and deliver a quick burst of smoke to whatever is above. Every gas grill needs them.

            Click here for more about what makes these grates so special


            kareubequ bbq smoker

            Our Favorite Backyard Smoker

            The amazing Karubecue is the most innovative smoker in the world. The quality of meat from this machine is astonishing. At its crux is a patented firebox that burns logs above the cooking chamber and sucks heat and extremely clean blue smoke into the thermostat controlled oven. It is our favorite smoker, period.

            Click here for our review of this superb smoker


            Masterbuilt MPS 340/G ThermoTemp XL Propane Smoker

            masterbuilt gas smoker

            The First Propane Smoker With A Thermostat Makes This Baby Foolproof

            Set ThermoTemp's dial from 175° to 350°F and the thermostat inside will adjust the burner just like an indoor kitchen oven. All you need to do is add wood to the tray above the burner to start smokin'.

            Click here to read our detailed review


            Professional Steakhouse Knife Set

            masterbuilt gas smoker

            Our founder, Meathead, wanted the same steak knives used by steakhouses such as Peter Luger, Smith & Wollensky, Morton's, Kobe Club, Palm, and many others. So he located the manufacturer and had them stamp our name on some. They boast pointed, temper-ground, serrated, high-carbon stainless-steel, half-tang blades with excellent cutting edge ability. The beefy hardwood handle provides a comfortable grip secured by three hefty rivets. He has machine washed his more than 100 times. They have never rusted and they stay shiny without polishing. Please note that we do not make, sell, or distribute these knives, they just engrave them with our name.

            Click here to read our detailed review and to order


            PK 360 grill

            Is This Superb Charcoal Grill A Kamado Killer?

            The PK-360, with 360 square inches of cooking space, this rust free, cast aluminum charcoal grill is durable and easy to use. Four-way venting means it's easy to set up for two zone cooking with more control than single vent Kamado grills. It is much easier to set up for 2-zone cooking than any round kamado. Beautifully designed and completely portable. Meathead says it is his preferrred grill.

            Click here to read our detailed review of the PK 360

            Click here to order it direct from PK and get a special deal for AmazingRibs.com readers only


            Fireboard: The Ultimate Top Of The Line BBQ Thermometer

            fireboard bbq thermometer

            With the ability to monitor up to six temperatures simultaneously with either Bluetooth or Wifi on your mobile phone, tablet, or computer, Fireboard is the best digital thermometer we’ve tested.

            Click here to read our detailed review


            Finally, A Great Portable Pellet Smoker

            Green Mountain Davey Crockett Grill

            Green Mountain's portable Davy Crockett Pellet Smoker is one mean tailgating and picnic machine. But it's also gaining popularity with people who want to add a small, set it and forget it pellet smoker to their backyard arsenal. And with their WiFi capabilities you can control and monitor Davy Crocket from your smart phone or laptop.

            Click here to read our detailed review and to order