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Jokes!

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    Two guys, one old, one young, are pushing their carts around Wal-Mart when they collide. The old guy says to

    the young guy, "Sorry about that. I'm looking for my wife, and I guess I wasn't paying attention to where I was

    going."

    The young guy says, "That's OK, it's a coincidence. I'm looking for my wife, too.. I can't find her and I'm getting alittle desperate."

    The old guy says, "Well, maybe I can help you find her... what does she look like?"

    The young guy says, "Well, she is 27 yrs. old, tall, with red hair, blue eyes, is buxom...wearing no bra, long legs, andis wearing short shorts What does your wife look like?'

    To which the old guy says, "Doesn't matter, --- let's look for yours."

    Comment


      HOW TO CALL THE POLICE ...

      WHEN YOU'RE OLD, AND DON'T MOVE FAST ANYMORE.

      George Phillips , an elderly man from Walled Lake, Michigan, was going up to bed, when his wife

      told him that he'd left the light on in the garden shed, which she could see from the

      bedroom window.



      George opened the back door to go turn off the light,

      but saw that there were people in the shed stealing things.


      He phoned the police, who asked "Is someone in your house?"

      He said "No," but some people are breaking into my garden shed and stealing from me .


      Then the police dispatcher said "All patrols are busy, you should lock your doors and an officer will

      be along when one is available"


      George said, "Okay."

      He hung up the phone and counted to 30. Then he phoned the police again.

      "Hello, I just called you a few seconds ago because there were people stealing things from my shed.

      Well, you don't have to worry about them now because I just shot them both

      and he hung up.


      Within five minutes, six Police Cars , a SWAT Team, a Helicopter, two Fire Trucks, a Paramedic and

      an Ambulance showed up at the Phillips' residence, and caught the burglars red-handed.


      One of the Policemen said to George, "I thought you said that you'd shot them!"

      George said, "I thought you said there was nobody available!"

      ( True Story )


      Don't mess with old people

      Comment


      • Mr. Bones
        Mr. Bones commented
        Editing a comment
        Ain't Dat Da Truth?!?!?!?!
        If there was any possible way to LIKE this about∞∞∞∞∞ times, well, Brother, then I would be jus a wearin that there button out!!!
        Made my Monday!!!

      • gcdmd
        gcdmd commented
        Editing a comment
        It's a funny story but not actually true. Don't try this at home, as this article shows:

        https://www.snopes.com/fact-check/ti...iting-for-you/

      • Bogy
        Bogy commented
        Editing a comment
        I have no doubt that this is not a true story, but it made a great sermon illustration a few years ago.

      Another newsletter dandy:

      Comment


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        • THE Humble Texan
          THE Humble Texan commented
          Editing a comment
          Shame on you!! (;(;

        • Donw
          Donw commented
          Editing a comment
          Okay done but now the mileage in my car is terrible.🙂

        • Bogy
          Bogy commented
          Editing a comment
          Donw, the important thing is they can't track you, except by the shreds of rubber you leave behind.

        How do you recognize a “dad joke?”

        It’s apparent.

        Comment


        • MBMorgan
          MBMorgan commented
          Editing a comment
          Groan ... oh Spinaker

        • JimLinebarger
          JimLinebarger commented
          Editing a comment
          I think by clicking "Like" to things like this we will just be encouraging this type of behavior.

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            https://youtube.com/watch?v=b26Ll9q77Pw

            Comment


            • surfdog
              surfdog commented
              Editing a comment
              For some reason that one didn’t embed properly. :-/
              Oh well, still funny.

            • RonB
              RonB commented
              Editing a comment
              It worked for me.

            I was in a public toilet & had just sat down, when a voice from the next cubicle said "Hi!, how are you?"
            Somewhat taken aback, I said, "I'm doing fine.”
            The voice said "So what are you up to?"
            I said, "Um...just doing the same as you, sitting here."
            From next door, "Can I come over?"
            Suprised and a little annoyed, I said, “Eh...rather busy right now".
            The voice then said, "Listen, i will have to call you back, there's an idiot next door answering all my questions.”

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              • RonB
                RonB commented
                Editing a comment
                HawkerXP - not fast enough 'cause you are full of it.

              • HawkerXP
                HawkerXP commented
                Editing a comment
                Only for a short time. I. Am a regular guy. Robb

              • holehogg
                holehogg commented
                Editing a comment
                I can fly as noted by HawkerXP

              For those MCS moments!

              Comment


                Or how about this?

                Comment


                • surfdog
                  surfdog commented
                  Editing a comment
                  I had a colleague years ago that used to say his house decor was “Dead relative.”

                One last one

                Comment


                • ComfortablyNumb
                  ComfortablyNumb commented
                  Editing a comment
                  Is that anywhere near me? I'm having another molar pulled next week and have holes on both sides. :-(

                • RonB
                  RonB commented
                  Editing a comment
                  ComfortablyNumb - all you need is a battery powered blender and a big straw.

                • ComfortablyNumb
                  ComfortablyNumb commented
                  Editing a comment
                  RonB I don't have a blender, but I do have a bottle opener!

                Grammar Lesson: Is it "complete", "finished" or "Completely Finished”?
                No English dictionary has been able to adequately explain the difference between these two words - "Complete" and "Finished”. In a recent linguistic competition held in London and attended by, supposedly, the best in the world, Samdar Balgobin, a Guyanese man, was the clear winner with a standing ovation which lasted over 5 minutes.

                The final question was: “How do you explain the difference between COMPLETE and FINISHED in a way that is easy to understand? Some people say there is no difference between COMPLETE and FINISHED.”

                Here is his astute answer: "When you marry the right woman, you are COMPLETE. When you marry the wrong woman, you are FINISHED. And, when the right one catches you with the wrong one, you are COMPLETELY FINISHED!"

                He won a trip around the world and a case of 25-year old Scotch!

                Comment


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