Hello friends, and Happy Holidays!
I thought I'd share something humorous that happened to me this Christmas. Here in Clarksville, TN we had some unusually warm weather for the holidays, and I was asked to smoke a turkey for a Christmas lunch that we were attending with some close friends on Christmas day. Not wanting to spend Christmas morning smoking it, I opted to do it Christmas Eve prior to our dinner that night (with the same friends attending). Not having family close by, our friends that we have met and served with in the Army with have become our defacto family over the past 10 years, especially after retirement. After getting the fire started in the Bandera smoker, and wanting to enjoy the sunny and 67 degree weather, I decided to go ahead and split the wood from a bag of B&B hickory that I had bought earlier in the day. As I was sharpening my ax on the patio and listening to some Texas country music, my wife poked her head out and asked what I was doing. Now, I had already informed her of my plans, so she knew good and well what I was about to do, so I thought her inquiry was a little weird at the time, as was her interest in my physical labor. Being a red-blooded male of course, I had the unwarranted idea that maybe she had developed a lumberjack fetish, and I was about to make her fantasy come to life, albeit with a little more dad-bod than I imagined she was hoping for. So I sat out to make wood-splitting as sexy as possible, attempting to one-hit split as much of the rock-hard hickory as I could. I was not very successful, but no matter, I could just imagine her watching me through the kitchen window as her man made short work of this medium sized bag of already split wood, amazed at my ability to not chop my foot off at the ankle, or avoid getting a splinter in my not-so-rough hands. As I worked on the last extremely dense and difficult split, my back already stiffening after a solid 10 minutes of work, I hoped my labor had been good eye candy for her, and maybe it would pay off later. Spoiler alert, it didn't. But the turkey turned out great, so at least I had that as gratification. Here's a little peak during the cook. 10 lbs, seasoned with poultry herbs, injected, and topped off with a little Yard Bird rub from Plowboys.
So after all that work, which paid off in a delicious turkey but little else, our Christmas Eve dinner of fajitas followed by karaoke was a big hit, and the turkey was left to rest until Christmas day. We went to bed that night thoroughly exhausted, without any of the anticipated lumberjack fantasy shenanigans.
Christmas morning dawned bright and clear, with another high 60's and sunny day expected. Christmas gifts and wrapping paper were flying about the living room as the kids tore into them, and I chased everyone around with a trash bag trying to corral the debris. My last gift was dug out from the back of the tree, and it took my son to lift it, which piqued my curiosity. I didn't think I had anything this big on my list. Thinking maybe the wife had gotten my new surround speakers, which was the only thing that made sense to me, I unwrapped the box. To my utter surprise and enjoyment I saw a box with this in it:
It explained so much from the previous day. Not only was I not the embodiment of some misguided fantasy, but she had watched me split that entire bag of wood knowing that I would be opening this the next day. Sometimes I think women can be evil, I tell ya. It works great, by the way. I hope everyone had a great holiday, whether you celebrate Christmas or not, and I look forward to a New Year of meat smoking, wood splitting, and fire tending! Cheers to all of you!
JonnyB
I thought I'd share something humorous that happened to me this Christmas. Here in Clarksville, TN we had some unusually warm weather for the holidays, and I was asked to smoke a turkey for a Christmas lunch that we were attending with some close friends on Christmas day. Not wanting to spend Christmas morning smoking it, I opted to do it Christmas Eve prior to our dinner that night (with the same friends attending). Not having family close by, our friends that we have met and served with in the Army with have become our defacto family over the past 10 years, especially after retirement. After getting the fire started in the Bandera smoker, and wanting to enjoy the sunny and 67 degree weather, I decided to go ahead and split the wood from a bag of B&B hickory that I had bought earlier in the day. As I was sharpening my ax on the patio and listening to some Texas country music, my wife poked her head out and asked what I was doing. Now, I had already informed her of my plans, so she knew good and well what I was about to do, so I thought her inquiry was a little weird at the time, as was her interest in my physical labor. Being a red-blooded male of course, I had the unwarranted idea that maybe she had developed a lumberjack fetish, and I was about to make her fantasy come to life, albeit with a little more dad-bod than I imagined she was hoping for. So I sat out to make wood-splitting as sexy as possible, attempting to one-hit split as much of the rock-hard hickory as I could. I was not very successful, but no matter, I could just imagine her watching me through the kitchen window as her man made short work of this medium sized bag of already split wood, amazed at my ability to not chop my foot off at the ankle, or avoid getting a splinter in my not-so-rough hands. As I worked on the last extremely dense and difficult split, my back already stiffening after a solid 10 minutes of work, I hoped my labor had been good eye candy for her, and maybe it would pay off later. Spoiler alert, it didn't. But the turkey turned out great, so at least I had that as gratification. Here's a little peak during the cook. 10 lbs, seasoned with poultry herbs, injected, and topped off with a little Yard Bird rub from Plowboys.
So after all that work, which paid off in a delicious turkey but little else, our Christmas Eve dinner of fajitas followed by karaoke was a big hit, and the turkey was left to rest until Christmas day. We went to bed that night thoroughly exhausted, without any of the anticipated lumberjack fantasy shenanigans.
Christmas morning dawned bright and clear, with another high 60's and sunny day expected. Christmas gifts and wrapping paper were flying about the living room as the kids tore into them, and I chased everyone around with a trash bag trying to corral the debris. My last gift was dug out from the back of the tree, and it took my son to lift it, which piqued my curiosity. I didn't think I had anything this big on my list. Thinking maybe the wife had gotten my new surround speakers, which was the only thing that made sense to me, I unwrapped the box. To my utter surprise and enjoyment I saw a box with this in it:
It explained so much from the previous day. Not only was I not the embodiment of some misguided fantasy, but she had watched me split that entire bag of wood knowing that I would be opening this the next day. Sometimes I think women can be evil, I tell ya. It works great, by the way. I hope everyone had a great holiday, whether you celebrate Christmas or not, and I look forward to a New Year of meat smoking, wood splitting, and fire tending! Cheers to all of you!
JonnyB
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